"If you can see the horizon clearly, then you’re looking out of the wrong window."

The phrase echoed in Tara’s head as her eyes snapped open and she sat up in bed. A thin sheen of cold sweat covered her body and her heart hammered wildly in her chest. She couldn’t actually remember any reason for her waking up, let alone waking up in this state.

Taking a few controlled and even breaths, the blonde was pleased to recognise her heart beat join in the enforced calming as it slowed down to its regular thump, thump, behind her ribs and as she wiped her forehead free of sweat she again was happy that the droplets weren’t replaced by more of the same.

"So you’re not ill." She told herself gently as she pulled back her patchwork comforter and eased herself out of bed.

She padded wordlessly across the room, to the small nightstand. The chilled early morning air caused her to shiver beneath the thin satin of her cream nightdress. She flicked on the standard white lamp that stood on the small white painted tabletop and eased into the matching chair, bringing her head up slowly to look at her reflection.

Tara wasn’t sure exactly what she expected to see, perhaps her looking a little pale, with tired shadows under her eyes. She was getting used to that, since, well since that day, but she certain didn’t expect to look back at herself with three evenly spaced scratches down her left cheek.

"What the…." Automatically Tara leaned forward to get a better look at her all be it cosmetic injury.

Upon closer inspection, it was apparent that the scratches had been done by something, more than likely a claw, or a hand, fairly recently. They weren’t deep, nor were they bleeding, at least they weren’t anymore. The top one looked as if it had for a while, but with the wound being undisturbed the seepage had congealed in place.

Tara lifted her hand and traced along each of the thin red lines, noting that they smarted as she pressed against them. Combining the sweat on her fingers and face with the wounds made them sting more.

A vaguely wild thought went through her mind as she glanced over her shoulder at the darkened room.

‘Miss. Kitty…’

But even as she turned she knew that it was senseless to do so. The small kitten had been discovered by the college authorities after that ‘incident’ with Glory and though Buffy had offered to keep her, everything from that moment had spiralled out of control and somewhere in the midst of it all, Miss. Kitty Fantastico had been lost.

As usual that thought alone was nearly enough to make the blonde cry. So forcibly she pressed it back down in her head, along with the thoughts that it might have been the cat that had caused her injuries because even if Miss. Kitty had come back to look for her loving mistresses, she wouldn’t be able to find them, not here at any rate. Not even Tara had thought she would be back in a lonely dorm room on the forth floor of the Turner building and after all, she was lost such a long time ago now. So much had changed.

But that was another of those topics that just made Tara cry so again she shut it down and stared back at her pale reflection.

Absently once again her fingertips strayed to trace over the marks. Tilting her hand slightly, she placed a finger over the tip of each scratch, noting how easily they sat in the same spacing as the wounds. The blonde’s brow furrowed in confusion as she stared at the mirror.

Maybe she’d done it herself.

She pulled her hand away and looked at it, turning it over and back again, holding it close to the light, looking for traces of blood around the nails and fingertips.

‘Wait a minute Tara.’ She told herself as she right hand under the lamp, she looked down at her fingertips. ‘What nails?’ She reasoned as she examined the trimmed, rounded nails, none of which even showed passed the end of each finger. Slowly she lowered her hand and rested it on the covered tabletop.

A hard shiver suddenly rocked through the Wicca’s body. As it passed Tara pushed herself out of the chair and hurried over to the window. Pulling back the University issue grey flecked curtains she checked that all the windows were securely closed and that no draught was coming from there. They were and it wasn’t.

Closing one arm around herself Tara let the drape fall closed again as she moved over and perched on the edge of the bed. With her free hand she picked up her alarm clock. It was 4:32am on Thursday the 25^th of April.

******

"We can’t afford a window cleaner Dawn." With a dry cloth pressed into the back pocket of her jeans and a large clear bucket filled with water and a sponge bobbing around in it in one hand, Buffy put one sneaker covered foot onto the bottom rung of a pair of paint splattered stainless steel steps, that were propped up against the side of the house.

"You could just use the hose." The teenager pointed out as she stood in the middle of the grass near-by. She looked at her sister with a scowl. It was just after eight in the morning and she didn’t want to go to school, and if that wasn’t reason enough to be scowling, now her sister was insisting on doing something as publicly embarrassing as cleaning the windows. "Or we could get a boy scout to do it, they’re always looking for odd jobs to do."

"And we’d pay him what? Cookies and a glass of milk?" Buffy turned away from her sister and trudged up the metal steps.

"Hey Dawnie! Ooops Goddess sorry Buffy." The window Buffy was millimetres away from reaching suddenly swung open, nearly decapitating the Slayer, though thanks to her lightening reflexes the blonde dipped out of the way, just slopping a little of the water out of her bucket, but to her dismay the yellow sponge joined in the wet cascade to the floor.

"Oh shoot." Buffy cursed glancing up at the reason the window opened in the first place.

Looking down with a look of pure horror and apology was Willow. Buffy turned and looked down the long drop to the floor.

"I am so, so sorry." Panic filled the redhead’s voice.

"It’s okay Will, at least I’m not the sponge." Buffy replied giving her best friend a vague smile. "Dawn could you…." She lifted her gaze to look at her sister.

"Don’t look at me, I’m going to school." Dawn backed up on the grass towards the sidewalk. "See you guys later." She called as she reached the concrete and then began a casually paced stroll away from the house.

"You know sometimes…" Buffy looked back up at Willow. "I could strangle her." She said between gritted teeth.

Willow just smiled in return and looked as the teenager disappeared round the corner.

"At least she’s going to school." The hacker pointed out. "What are you doing by the way?" She turned her green eyes back to look at her best friend.

"Cleaning the windows." Buffy pointed out, wondering if for some reason this fact wasn’t blatantly obvious.

"Don’t most people use boy scouts or a hose to do that?"

******

‘It really isn’t supposed to be as hot as this, not in mid April.’ Loosening his tie and unbuttoning his top button, Rupert Giles sat back in the high-backed antique oak chair and sighed heavily. He was most definitely not in the mood for any of this. He was hot, bothered and basically wanted to be sitting in a park somewhere having a picnic and enjoying the unseasonably hot weather.

Not that he was complaining about the sunshine as it poured in through the leaded windows of the impossibly large boardroom that he sat in. It was just he’d much rather be out enjoying it, than stuck inside, going over and over the same old thing, to a new, though no more inspiring group of Watcher’s Council men, than the last lot.

"Alright Rupert." There came a voice from the very far end of the room as an impossibly large door opened and two impeccably dressed men walked into the room. "You can go home now, call it a half day." The speaker smiled and continued his walk over to Giles.

"Why thank you." Giles didn’t bother to hide his sarcasm as he pushed the chair back to stand.

"I see your standards slipped a little whilst in America." The speaker, a small, white haired man nodded to Giles’ loosened tie with a raised eyebrow. "But don’t worry, we’ll have you ironed out in no time."

"When you say I can go home." The watcher didn’t bother to move his tie. "Do you mean home or back to that odd room you so politely call a Watcher’s ‘living quarters’?" He asked his voice strained.

"No, no, home home old man." The other man spoke this time. He was considerably younger than his partner, younger than Giles for that matter, though his manner and tone was that of a far older man. "You’ve earned a bit of a rest I’d say." He smiled.

"And you couldn’t have decided that two weeks ago when I had a wedding to go to?" Giles sighed tiredly and shook his head.

"Sorry Rupert but you know how these things are, like to fully de-brief you and all that." The original speaker piped up.

"Yes." Giles picked his tweed jacket up off the back of his chair. "Well Justin, Sebastian." He nodded to each man in turn. "No doubt we will meet again all too soon." He pulled the jacket on.

"Is it nice to be back in the ‘mother country’?" The younger man asked friendlily as Giles picked up the small briefcase that was on the long table in front of him.

"Sebastian, as I have spent the last month just seeing the inside of the Watchers Council conference buildings, or catching glimpse of the outside world through a small leaded window in my ‘cell’, I’m not really sure I have returned to England’s green and pleasant land." He replied somewhat curtly.

"Oh come now Rupert." Justin chided. "You didn’t expect to just walk back in to the red carpet now did you. You and that Slayer of yours caused some pretty large ripples across the ocean."

"Oh I know." Giles stood himself up straight and prepared himself to leave. "But I don’t regret a single one of them." He added as he walked towards the door.

"You took a life Rupert," The older man called out to him. "We could have acted more severely against you." His voice was loaded with warning.

For a moment Giles stood stock-still breathing in deeply through his nose before turning and looking at the two men watching him.

"Oh I know." He paused. "And I am eternally grateful that you are not punishing me for damning my soul and saving the world."

With that the watcher left.

******

"I’m gonna ask her, I’m gonna ask her." Willow whispered her mantra over and over as she walked down the busy university corridor. "Just a coffee, no strings, no kissing or loving, just coffee, of course I’d like kisses and loving, but no, coffee, coffee is fine, coffee is good, there could be muffins top. Coffee and muffins." There was a waver in Willows whisper as she added more detail to her mantra, and focused more on the mesmerising pattern on the university flooring.

"Careful Willow." Tara’s voice cut through everything, rather like a love song changes the atmosphere in a bustling nightclub. Everything around the redhead seemed to still and settle, while at the same time turn completely into turmoil. Ss she looked up from where she had been examining her red sneakers up into the blue eyes of Tara Maclay. Or rather they would have, were it not for the fact that Willow was about two millimetres away from walking straight into a tall concrete pillar so in fact all she did see was smooth, rounded concrete.

"Did I stop you in time?" Concern flooded the blonde’s words, as Tara ran across from the side to stop close to Willows right shoulder.

"Yeah, gosh I nearly hit that didn’t I, ohh miles away, you know me, just got out of a maths lecture, my head all full of figures." Willow turned and looked at Tara, her eyes wandering down over the tight low cut top the blonde was wearing. "Number figures that is." She blushed fast and hard. "I’m all awash with numerals and digits." Willow realised she was making more than a horrible mess of things.

"Thankfully the classics don’t addle my brain that much." Tara joked somewhat awkwardly, tipping her hair forward to cover her shoulders and face.

"Hmmm." Willow made the contemplative noise as she let her gaze again drop to the floor, for the life of her she couldn’t remember the phrasing of her mantra, she needed that phrasing damn it, she had to ask Tara out the right way, she had to do things the right way with her this time.

Aware that the pair of them were just stood motionless in the middle of a crowded and fast moving corridor, Tara was about to suggest they at least move to the side, or say their goodbyes. She lifted her head a little and flicked her hair back, glancing down the path to check it was indeed as busy as she felt it was as she did so Willow also looked up.

"Thank you for saving me from the pillar, would you like to go out for a coffee and maybe a muffin and some chat and more coffee and…" The hacker began babbling but then stopped abruptly. "And what’d happened to your cheek, oh Goddess Tara who hurt you?" The hacker’s voice flooded with horror and worry.

Tara’s hand went up immediately to the three scratches down her cheek, effectively covering them from Willow’s view.

"Baby, please." Willow couldn’t help but reach out to Tara placing her smaller hand over the back of Tara’s to move it from the wound.

"No Willow, No!" Using her other hand Tara pulled Willow’s away from her. "It’s nothing just leave it." With that the blonde turned and began to hurry away.

For a second Willow just stood there stupidly before looking off after her ex-lover in the throng of people.

"Tara. TARA!" She called, but the Wicca was long gone.

******

"Ah that movie is such a classic." Tito sat forward on the light coloured couch and moved his eyes from off the television screen, as the image changed from the black backdrop with scrolling credits, to the bleary snow filled fuzz as Xander pressed rewind on the remote control. "Don’t you think Xan?"

The dark haired young man looked up somewhat distractedly at his friend and put the controller back onto the arm of his chair.

"Yeah usually I can watch it on repeat." He admitted, but his tone was hollow and his word slow.

"You gotta snap out of this." Tito looked at his friend with a sad shake of his head. "It’s over, ya know, you did this, yeah maybe for all the ‘right’ reasons but you still did this, and you can’t go around like the world just ended forever."

"It’s been ten days Tito, it’s allowed to still hurt." Xander countered and then sighed heavily. "I just wish I knew where she was." He admitted quietly.

"She’ll turn up when she wants to turn up." The young plumber reasoned. "Hell not that I understand women or anything mate, but you did stand her up on her wedding day, I’m guessing that rates high on the pissed and upset counter."

"But I did it because I love her and I never want to hurt her." Xander argued.

"And you think this didn’t?" Tito asked slowly his face forming a light frown. "Because believe me, I’m thinking it did."

"Of course I know this hurt her, but isn’t it better I do it now than in ten years time?" Xander looked at his work mate honestly looking for an answer.

"I think only you can answer that." Tito replied honestly. "Breaking up with someone because of what ‘might’ happen sometime in the future isn’t necessarily my idea of a good fundamental reason to spilt, I mean who’s to say you’re not going to be as happy as clams for the rest of your lives? You’re never gonna get a relationship without worries, without fears, ya know."

Xander dropped his head looking down at his dirty jeans and work boots that he hadn’t bothered to change out of before the he’d put the movie on.

"I messed up." He admitted shaking his head.

"Hey if it makes you feel better, from what I knew of Anya, she seemed like a really nice, genuine sorta gal." From his place on the couch Tito tried to make Xander feel a little better. "And if she was the hell hath no fury like a woman scorned type, then I figure you’d know it by now."

Xander knew that his friend had said it to make him feel better, but as the words left Tito’s mouth his heart sunk to a new low.

‘Oh yeah she’s a lovely, nice, genuine sorta VEGEANCE DEMON.’ His mind screamed at him as her reached out for the can of coke on the coffee table.

******

"God I really hate history, it sucks." Dawn huffed loudly and pushed her open textbook across the dining room table. She slumped back into her chair with her arms folded across her chest, a stern pout spoiling her young features. "And not even the great beef burger worker is here to help me out by making me feel less stupid." She added in a growl.

"Dawn, Dawnie." The front door flew open and Willow hurried in her eyes flicking left and right to see which of the two main downstairs rooms the teenager occupied.

Dawn immediately lost some of her frown when she noted Willow’s obvious fluster.

"Right here." She said giving a small wave from her place at the table. With her other hand she surreptitiously reached out and pulled her textbook back to its original place and gave Willow a smile. "Right here working on my history." She clarified.

"I am so sorry Dawnie." Willow hastily stripped off her coat and hung it over the bottom of the stairs, hurrying through into the dining room. "I didn’t mean to be late."

Dawn glanced at the clock on the side and frowned again.

"Will, its 6:30, that’s not exactly like burn you at the stake late." Dawn giggled but then instantly regretted her phrasing. "Sorry bad metaphor." She apologised quickly.

A pained look flashed across the ex-witch’s face, but she tried to soften it.

"It’s okay, I can find witch jokes almost funny." Willow tried to make the young woman feel better about her off the cuff comment, though it was obvious from the pained looks all around that it failed.

Softly the redhead slipped onto a chair close to the teenager and glanced over at the textbook she was ‘reading’, she then looked down at the doodle filled sheet of paper that rested closer to the studying girls arm.

"Not inspired by history?" Willow asked kindly.

"Actually…" Dawn began in an up-beat positive way, but quickly let the façade evaporate. "No." She admitted with a sigh. "I think I actually hate dates." She assessed flipping the book closed this time.

Willow smiled understandingly and pushed up from her place, she patted the teenager lightly on the shoulder as she moved to pick an apple out of the fruit bowl.

Dawn tidied away the rest of her study things, pleased to not be facing a lecture, when she suddenly remembered.

"Oh Willow." She sat up and turned in her chair to look at the red head, who had slimily turned to look at Dawn with that ‘huh yeah?’ look on her face. "You and Tara, the coffee question how did it go?" The teenager’s recent apathy was replaced by excitement as she asked her question. An excitement that was soon deflated by Willow’s sigh in response.

"Well I found her, not hard to do I know, being as though I know all her classes and we go to the same university, but yeah I found her, and I think I asked her, after nearly knocking myself out on a very large, very obvious pillar. But yeah after I did that, and managed to calm the raging embarrassment that was me after I nearly did that, I think I asked her."

Dawn frowned as Willow babbled almost incoherently about her and Tara’s meeting.

"Whoa hold up." The teenager called her friend to a halt. "You nearly walked into a pillar? But you didn’t?"

"No, Tara saved me, that is, she called out to me and made me stop before I hit the pillar." Willow explained.

"And then you asked her for coffee?" Dawn introduced the next step as she did her best to understand it all.

"Yes, after thanking her, that is, oh Goddess did I thank her?" Panic flooded the redhead’s voice.

"I-I’m sure you did." Dawn interjected hurriedly not sure she could face a second wave of Willow panic babble. "So you thanked her and asked her out for coffee and she said…"

"I don’t know." Willow sunk down to a chair and Dawn frowned hard.

"You mean you asked her then ran away without getting an answer?" She tried to create a scenario in her head that would give a reason for the redhead not knowing Tara’s answer.

"More like I asked and she ran away without giving me an answer." She reflected and shook her head.

"Oh." Dawn took a deep breath as she made the small word. "You need mocha?" She asked with a gentle smile.

Willow looked up and just nodded, putting her apple down on the table top as Dawn moved out from her place, around to her, linking their arms and moving with her to the door.

******

The cheerful noise of an infomercial belied that calm atmosphere that surrounded the Slayer. Despite how crazy life was, despite the fact that not so long ago she had been pulled back from a heaven like dimension, her Watcher had abandoned her to go back to England so she could ‘grow up’, her best friend had spilt up with the love of her life, her sister was a raving teenage delinquent, and just over two weeks ago her other best friend stood his former vengeance demon fiancé up at the altar, yes despite all that. Here, watching an infomercial for window cleaner of all things, she felt calm.

Most of that she knew had to do with the person she was watching the television with. Then again so much had changed since this twist in the Buffy Summers life story. Taking a deep breath of the fragrant air around her, Buffy leaned back harder against soft grey wool.

"I have to go." She whispered softly.

"I know." Came the reply, just as tenderly. "I could walk you."

Buffy shook her head against the sweater, but didn’t make a move to move.

"I don’t think that’s such a good idea is it?" She asked softly.

"Maybe not." Came the agreement followed by a long silence.

"Can I see you tomorrow?" Buffy turned in the arms that held her and looked up into smiling brown eyes.

"Of course, you know you can." Was the reply, it had been expected of course, but it still made Buffy smile, which was still a bit of a rarity. "Have you heard from Anya yet?" As Buffy had made no effort to move the conversation continued.

"Not yet." Buffy shook her head. "Xander’s worried, of course we’re all worried." She altered her sentence realising that before it had sounded like it was just Xander who had the concern, which just wasn’t the case at all.

"I can imagine. And how is Willow?"

"She’s good, we finally talked, and I mean talked, talked about everything, well no…" The Slayer mused. "Not everything, but about Tara. I think she finally gets how dumb she was, while balancing that with the fact that Tara does actually still love her. I think the rest is up to her, and obviously Tara." She mused.

"Obviously." Buffy’s pillow agreed with a slight chuckled. "And Dawn?"

"Urgh!" Buffy gave an exasperated sigh. "She’s nearly sixteen, do I really have to expand any on that?"

"No, not really."

"Good." Buffy leaned up and placed her lips over those that smiled back at her. "I really have to go." She protested but no sooner had the words left her mouth, than her lips returned to those she kissed, and this time they didn’t pull back.

******

"More ice-cream?" Dawn reached out with her right hand offering Willow the over half-empty carton of rocky road. The redhead glanced at it and shook her head.

"I don’t think my system can cope with any more sugar Dawnie, and yours shouldn’t either." She warned, her eyes returned to the colourful TV screen that had cartoon characters chasing each round a tall spiral tower.

"I guess not." Dawn pulled the ice-cream container back to her and reached down to the floor for the lid. Licking the spoon free of the sticky melted chocolate mix she put the tub on the floor with the spoon balanced carefully on it. "You wanna watch something else?" The teenager asked helpfully.

"No, no this is good if you like it." Willow replied though there was something easy about watching cartoons.

"I…" Dawn began but stopped as the phone began ringing and it prompted her off the couch. "Hi Dawn speaking." The teenager said brightly, the sugar rush from the chocolate began to kick in.

"Hi Dawnie."

"Tara!" Dawn greeted again overly brightly.

"Hi again." The soft humour came through clearly in the blonde’s tone. "How are you?"

"I’m good, still struggling with my History assignment." The teenager admitted, her eyes glancing over to Willow, who had sat up in her place, her attention completely given to watching and listening at least to Dawn’s half of the conversation.

"I’ll help you with it on Saturday." Tara offered. "That is if you like, and if Saturday is still happening."

"It is and I like." Dawn confirmed with a bright smile.

"Actually Dawnie, if I’m honest I didn’t call to talk to you," The blonde paused for a moment. "Is Willow there?" She asked her voice low and soft.

"Uh huh." Dawn confirmed. "Hold on." With a beaming smile Dawn covered up the mouthpiece and looked at Willow, her eyes sparkling. "She wants to talk to you." She squeaked.

"Me?" Willow felt her palms sweat and her face flush just at the thought.

Dawn nodded emphatically, beckoning to Willow with agitated movements of her hand. Somewhat in a daze the redhead got up and moved and took the phone as Dawn handed it out.

"Tara?" She said, her voice shaking slightly as she spoke.

"Willow." The reply that came almost matched the hacker’s in volume and steadiness.

"Hi." Willow said somewhat lamely.

"I n-n-needed to call to…" The Wicca went quiet. "I’m sorry Will, for this morning, running away like that." The blonde’s voice was filled with apology and shame.

"No, no there’s no need to apologise, not to me, I mean it’s okay." Willow slipped straight into babble mode.

"I-I-It’s not okay." Tara stressed. "And…" Again she was stopped by a short pause. "And I think coffee would be good." She managed to say finally.

"You do?" Willow’s whole face it up.

"I do." Tara confirmed.

"When? Are you free now?" Willow went from being blissfully shell shocked to avid and eager in an instant.

"Aren’t you staying in with Dawnie right now?" Tara asked knowing that if Buffy had been in the house then the slayer would have answered.

"Oh yeah I am." Willow deflated a little trying to ignore the young teenager who was trying to mime to the redhead that she could leave, stay at a friend’s house, generally disappear if they needed her too. "You could come over and join us." She offered thinking that maybe with Dawn the tension would be less.

"I’m not sure that’s a good idea." Tara replied quickly. "We don’t want her to get the wrong idea, or anything."

"No of course we don’t." Willow replied though her heart sunk low in her chest as she did. What wrong idea would Tara coming over give to the teenager?

‘Unless Tara has no intentions of forgiving you.’ Her mind jabbed at her spitefully.

"I’m free tomorrow night." Tara offered softly.

"Tomorrow?" Willow tried to think if she had anything after her class, but her mind inconveniently emptied itself of all valuable information.

"Is that okay?" The blonde checked.

"Yeah tomorrow is good. I’ll met you at the coffee shop." Willow quickly cemented the offer.

"Right." Tara acknowledged the details and then paused. "I’ll say goodnight then."

"Goodnight Tara." Willow almost whispered.

"Night Willow." Came the equally tender reply.

In an almost dreamlike state Willow put the receiver back in it’s resting-place.

"You’re going out for coffee tomorrow night?" Dawn squeaked looking at Willow with a grin a mile wide.

"Yes." Willow’s almost frozen state melted slowly into a grin of its own.

"Oh my God this is so great." Rushing forward Dawn grabbed the redhead and squeezed her tightly. "What are you going to wear?"

******

"No Buffy really, you should use a straight forward jab with the stake, and not this fancy back handed thing you are practising." Dressed neatly in his tweed Giles stood in front of dummy vampire, that looked a little like Spike and illustrated the simple and clean thrust action that he was suggesting.

"But it’s nice to be different." His slayer pointed out, taking a running jump at the dummy, bring it down, sitting astride it and flicking the stake round in her hand before turned and plunging the short sharpened wood down into the straw filled body.

"Yes, yes I understand the desire to fight against the flow but that way you could miss the heart, and have to re-stake your undead victim." Giles pointed out looking down at Buffy.

The blonde Slayer pouted and pulled her stake out of the dummy, slowly getting off it to stand up.

"I’m bored of this, let’s play with the crossbow." Taking long strides over to a wall mounted weapon rack Buffy pulled down a hand held mini crossbow, stamping her foot on the wooden floor of the training hall when the watcher didn’t at first move.

With a slight jolt Giles woke up and rubbed at his eyes, groping around the nightstand by his bed for his glasses as from somewhere below him came the second round of vigorous knocking. Finding his spectacles he slipped them on and glanced at the clock. The number 8:34 glowed back at him as her groaned and swung his legs out of bed.

Dressed only his matching top and shorts pyjama set, the watcher crossed to the door and took his robe from it putting it on as he descended the stairs. He stopped to tie it securely round his waist as the third round of knocking on his front door began.

Giving another sigh her reached up to unlock the door and pull it open.

"I know it’s early but I could only think of you to come to." His visitor announced in a clear, yet obviously strained and upset voice.

"Come in, come in." Giles blinking somewhat blearily and moved back from the door and let them in.

******

Preparing herself for a barrage of ‘where were you?’ and ‘we’ve been worried’ Buffy slipped her key into the front door lock and eased the door open slowly. She was somewhat surprised to find only the entrance hall light on, the other downstairs rooms in peaceful darkness.

Acting quietly Buffy guided her key out of the lock and closed the door behind her, deciding to check upstairs to see if, as was being suggested her housemates were all in bed asleep.

Avoiding the creaky fourth step Buffy managed to stealthily take the stairs, and ease the door to her sister’s bedroom open.

Dawn lay spread-eagled on the middle of her bed with a scruffy grey stuffed toy gripped loosely in her left hand on top of the blankets, her right shoved high under the pillow. The teenager was snoring softly in her deep sleep. Smiling to herself Buffy stepped back out of the room pulling the door close to closing before releasing it and making her way to Willow’s room.

Her best friend’s bedside lamp was still on as the Slayer eased the door open, but the hacker was sound asleep curled up in a loose foetal position, under the heavy comforter. Buffy smiled sadly as she looked at her best friend, who had used the winter weight comforter since Tara had left, the nights feeling far too cold for the slight young woman.

For a moment Buffy considered risking disturbing Willow by going in to switch off the light. Should she, shouldn’t she, the argument warred in her head. She leaned gently on the doorframe deciding before moving quietly into the room. Reaching the bedside table Buffy leaned over to switch off the lamp, catching sight as she did so of her best friend’s hands that were wrapped around something that Willow held near her face. Curious Buffy leaned in a little, her sad smile growing deeper still when she saw that clutched in the small hands was a photograph of Tara.

"Sleep well Willow." Buffy whispered to her best friend as she flicked off the light and crept back to the door.

Pulling it too behind her she moved to her own room, changing silently into her nightshirt and slipping in between chilled sheets. She lay there for a long moment, just thinking about everything.

It was all such a blur, such a mess, and there were no clear skies to come, no matter how hard she looked for them.

With a sigh she turned on her side and slipped her hand under her pillow and as she did an unreadable look crossed her face. Slowly she pulled her hand out from under it pulling with it a slim silver cell phone. Flipping down the front piece the Slayer pressed a single button and held the phone lightly to her ear. After a long moment a sleepy voice answered.

"Buffy?" The voice questioned somehow knowing.

"I’m sorry, I know it’s impossibly late." The Slayer whispered as she nestled back down into her pillow, looking away from her clock that reminded her at 2:20am it really was late. "I just had to call."

"It’s okay." The reply became clear as obviously the sleeper became a little less befuddled by unconsciousness. "Did you leave something here? Did something happen?" gradually the voice turned from sleepy too concerned.

"No, and no." Buffy admitted. "I just…" She paused. "I just wanted to hear your voice." She admitted.

"Oh." Again there was a pause as obviously the reaction of concern got shelved to be replaced by one of tenderness. "You had me worried."

"Sorry." Buffy apologised biting her lip slightly.

"There’s no need to apologise." Came the quick assurance.

Despite knowing that the person on the other end of the phone couldn’t see Buffy smiled.

"I miss you." The Slayer whispered softly.

"I miss you too." The loving replay came instantly. "Are you sure everything is alright?" The sleepy voice double checked.

"It is now." Buffy confirmed. "It is now." She repeated in a whisper as she closed her eyes.

*******

"Xander hey!" Willow smiled as she looked up from the book she was reading.

The young redhead was sat on a white and green garden chair fairly close to the wall in the back garden of the Summer’s house. She had decided she positively had to not get over excited about the upcoming coffee with Tara and instead had to have a calm day. A day spent trying to think of ways to not mess things up tonight. That wasn’t made easy by the fact she only had one class that day, and that wasn’t until two thirty in the afternoon.

So in some ways it was a nice distraction to have Xander wander into the garden at three minutes after ten, but in other ways it wasn’t, as it mean that her friend had skipped work again.

"Was work a no go?" She asked carefully as Xander dropped down to sit on the grasse near Willow’s chair. He nodded, looking down at his dark grey shoes.

"Keeping busy might help." She tried to encourage softly.

"I tried that the first week." Xander replied sadly, he looked up at his friend. "Where is she Willow? This just isn’t like An."

Willow closed her book and gave Xander a worried contemplative look.

"I wish I knew." She admitted.

"I’ve been expecting the revenge thing, you know, half wanting to open the door and find her there all demony and growly." Xander admitted. "But this, this just freaks me out more."

"Perhaps she’s just too human to go back to the whole demon thing." Willow suggested, though it wasn’t said with much conviction. To be honest the chances of Anya not reverting to her vengeance demon ways were slim to none in her opinion.

"Or perhaps she’s thinking of an extra nasty way to revenge herself." The sad young man suggested with a heavy sigh.

"You hurt her Xander, she loved you." Willow pointed out.

"You loved Tara it didn’t stop you." Xander replied quickly.

Willow stared at her friend. It was clearly obvious by the look on her face how much the comment had been unexpected and equally how much it hurt.

"I’m sorry Will." Xander dropped his head again and shook it sadly. "You didn’t deserve that." He added.

"We both messed up." Willow said graciously, she reached down and put her hand on Xander’s shoulder.

"I want to talk to her, to explain why I did it." Xander turned and explained to his friend.

"Do you still love her?" Willow asked quietly.

"I don’t even know what love is anymore." He admitted shaking his head again. "I mean I did, at least I think I did, but then that guy…."

"He did that to make you stop the wedding." Willow interrupted. "To hurt Anya, what he showed you isn’t what’s going to happen."

"But it might." Xander stressed. "And how can I risk that? How can I risk becoming everything I hate? Hurting An…" He shivered and drew his legs up tight to him. "I mean…" He looked at Willow. "Could you go back to being with Tara again, after hurting her like you did? Wouldn’t you think that it was best for her if she never was put in that danger again?"

For the first time Willow looked away from her best friend.

"Are you asking me if I think Tara is better without me?" Willow’s voice was small and slightly scared. To be honest she’d never really thought about that. ‘Goddess, why hadn’t she thought about that?’

"Yeah I mean what if you slipped, got back into magic one day and without thinking did something to Tara." Xander seemed oblivious to the change he had made in the redhead’s mood. "Could you get back together with her with that thought constantly there in your head."

"I’d make sure I didn’t slip." Willow felt herself begining to tear up as she replied.

"How?" Xander asked honestly. "Come on Will, you wouldn’t do it, I know you, you couldn’t put Tara in a place that she could be hurt again, so how can I do the same with Anya?" He flopped his head forward again. "It’s just such a mess." He said sadly. "Such a mess."

******

"Uh…" After a loud sniff and a tight sob the crier reached out to the tissue box, only to find it empty.

"One moment." Giles stood up from his seat and crossed the room to go to a dresser. Pulling open one of the bottom cupboards he took out a new box of tissues and pulled it open, moving back to put it in place of the empty one.

"Th-Th-Thank you." Through the sniffs a fresh tissue was taken and used immediately to drying more tears.

"I can hardly believe you turned him down." The Watcher admitted as he leaned back into his chair, though his eyes were still on the sobbing young woman on the other chair.

"I-I-I-I didn’t want to." Looking up from her lap Anya shook her head at Giles. "But then…" She patted her cheeks and blew her nose. "What good would it do? I’d have to find someone who hated Xander enough to wish something horrible would happen to him, and no one does. Everyone loves Xander, he’s such a nice, and sweet…"Her voice trailed off to be replaced by tears once more.

"Well yes, though I’m feeling the personal need to have a few stern words to him right now." Giles admitted pressing his glasses backward on the bridge of his nose.

"You are?" Anya looked up excitedly. "Perhaps D’Hofrin would give me time to think, I could go back and ask him to reconsider, say that I have changed my mind." She put down the latest soggy tissue only for it to fall off the chair and join the growing mass on the floor.

Giles arched his eyebrow and looked at Anya sternly.

"Not to the point of cursing him Anya." He corrected. "Just more of a man to man thing." He clarified.

"Huh, that’s typical of you men, you never actually want anything bad to happen to each other." She sunk back into her chair pulling out another tissue.

Giles chose not to comment on this as he looked thoughtfully out of the window.

"So tell me again what exactly made you come here." He asked carefully.

"Desperation." Anya summed up in one word. "I didn’t know where to go or what to do, staying in Sunnydale meant I might see Xander and that would just make me mad and sad, and ruin whatever make-up I was wearing. Here there is no chance of meeting up with him, so I can stay out of pain’s way."

"I see." Giles said quietly.

"But it’s not working!" The former vengeance demon said exasperation more than filling her voice. "I sat on the plane all the way here thinking about him, the annoying little man in the cab reminded me of him, and now you’re making me talk about him." She clenched both of her hands into tight fists. "I hurt inside and I can’t get away from it."

******

"Well that’s Dawn all packed off to Melissa’s as happy as…" Buffy paused as she closed the front door. "Well as happy as something very happy, now we just have you get ready for coffee." The Slayer turned to look at Willow who was sat at the far end of the couch, her feet up on the cushions, her head resting on her knees, looking anything but happy. "So what’cha wearing?" Buffy eagerly made her way back into the lounge perching on the arm of the couch trying to catch Willow’s eye.

"I’m going to cancel." The totally unexpected reply came in a scared voice.

"You know…" Buffy laughed. "I am so getting my hearing tested because for a minute there I thought I heard you say you were going to cancel."

"I did, I am." Willow replied gloomily.

"Okay somewhere between dealing with a sister who I’m not sure is even going to calm down even if I used prescription drugs and closing the front door I missed the my best friend losing her mind event." Buffy eased down so she actually shared the couch cushions with her bestfriend. "What’s going on Will?" She asked softly.

"I can’t have coffee with Tara." Willow’s voice was a sad monotone. "Xander made me understand." She added.

"Xander told you not to meet Tara?" Buffy frowned heavily unable to believe such a thing.

"No, Xander didn’t know about the coffee thing, he just made me see." Willow shook her head. "I can’t hurt her again Buffy." She whispered.

"Okay, I see what’s happening here." Buffy breathed slowly and inched closer to Willow. "Will, Xander just split up with Anya." She said kindly. "Because he doesn’t want to be in a position years from now where he hurts her, physically hurts her as well as everything else." Buffy pointed out. "The one person Xander never wants to be like is his father, he’s petrified that one day that’s just what he’ll be like. They’re Xander’s fears and worries Willow, they’re not yours." She pointed out softly.

"But I already hurt her." Willow glanced at Buffy with water filled green eyes and caused Buffy to take a slight breath.

"Yes you have." She agreed. She knew there was no point in not doing so. She knew it, Willow knew it, but that was before. "And you might do it again." She admitted. "But some things are worth the risk."

The Slayer took a breath and reached out, putting her hands over Willow’s.

"Since I’ve been back Willow, I’ve not exactly been me, I’ve been distant, cold and there are things I have done, things I don’t want to talk about right now, but things that I’m not proud of and that I don’t want to happen again." She squeezed her friend’s hands lightly. "But one thing I’ve managed to notice even from my distant view, is how much Tara loves you, and how much you love Tara."

She took another slight breath but kept her hands covering Willow’s.

"In years to come you might hurt her, she might hurt you, but you also might be the happiest little couple in Sunnydale. The world could end any day Willow, if it ends wouldn’t it be better to have it end when you’re held in Tara’s arms?" She pointed out.

"What if she doesn’t want me back? It’s just coffee." Willow felt her tears spill over onto her cheeks as she looked down to their clasped hands.

"Then you take her offer of friendship and you run with it Will." Buffy encouraged. "I’ve seen you together, I’ve lived through the last three years with you, well almost." She grinned. "She loves you."

"That doesn’t sound like a speech from a girl watching this from a distance." Willow commented honestly, letting her tears fall freely down her pale cheeks.

"It isn’t, it’s a speech from your best friend." Buffy replied pulling her hand back. "Whose distance is lessening." She added smiling. "Now what are you going to wear Miss. Rosenberg because you only have forty-five minutes to get ready and get your butt to the coffee shop."

******

"Dawn are you watching this or not, I mean it was hard work getting my parents to rent it for us in the first place, we are underage." Melissa stared at her friend who was sat up on the bed staring at, but obviously not following the movie on screen.

"Sorry, I just can’t think straight, I’m just so excited." Dawn grinned and shifted position a bit so that she was leaning against the back of the bed.

"Do you really want them to get back together?" Melissa asked turning down the volume on the TV.

"Of course, like totally." Dawn squeaked. "That would be the best thing to have happened in ages."

"But isn’t it weird, you know being in a house with two?" She dropped her voice before continuing. "Lesbians." Dawn looked blankly at her friend for a long moment.

"It’s Willow and Tara." She pointed out. "They’re not lesbians." She shook her head, but then frowned. "That is they are, of course they are, with each other, but that’s all, I mean they’re just Willow and Tara and they belong together."

"It doesn’t bother you then?" Melissa continued to push.

"No, what matter is love." Dawn stressed. "Do you think it matters?" She looked at her friend seriously and Melissa shrugged.

"I don’t know, I’ve not really thought about it. They seemed cool when I met them." The other girl admitted.

"They are, they’re super cool." Dawn underlined, she wouldn’t hear anything said against her favourite couple or could be couple. "Let’s watch the video, I promise to try to concentrate harder this time."

With a smile Melissa agreed and pressed rewind on the remote before slipping off the bed.

"I’m gonna get munchies, you want chips or anything?"

"Chips are good." Dawn nodded and moved laying down on the bed on her stomach, her head propped up to look at the screen, the happy smile on her face looked like it was there to stay for tonight at least.

******

Willow picked absently at a silver fleck on her ankle length navy blue skirt. The thin fleck was part of one of the large silver spirals that swirled down over the heavy denim-like material. Slowly she crossed and then uncrossed her legs, deciding eventually to just tuck her feet under the silver footrest bar that ran around the bottom of the high stool she was sat on.

Pulling back the tight blue sleeve that covered her arm, Willow glanced down at the watch around her wrist and sighed as she looked at the long hand that inched passed the two. Pulling down her sleeve top to cover the watch again, Willow began to toy lightly with the see through top that she wore over a tighter under top.

Breathing deeply the redhead tried to control her quickly beating heart and the slightly sick feeling that was churning around her stomach. It was just coffee, just coffee with Tara. It wasn’t an oral French exam or worse still the opening night of ‘Madam Butterfly’ starring her.

‘Oh why did you have to think of that?’ She chastised herself as her stomach turned in a tighter knot. She let a hard shiver ripple through her body.

"Cold?" Tara’s soft voice inquired over the redhead’s shoulder.

Willow jumped a little and turned round. The air left her lungs in a soft breath as she looked at the blonde.

Dressed in a pair of dark jeans, that sat tight round her hips and butt but loose down her long legs and a cream top, with a small pattern of light brown leaves and flowers and a neckline that plunged low down her chest, covered slight with a dark denim jacket, the Wicca looked stunning. Her long hair was down hiding whether or not she wore earrings, but Willow suspected she was, probably ones that matched the brown beaded choker at her throat.

"I’m late, sorry." Tara eased off the short jacket and sat down on the stool opposite the redhead.

"Not a problem." Willow managed to find a few words in her stunned brain and force them out of her mouth.

"Your hair looks lovely." Tara smiled softly.

Willows hand nervously went to the back of her head to check the small blue and white flowered clip that held her hair half up.

"It’s gotten that bit longer." She stated the obvious.

"I noticed." Tara nodded.

"I didn’t know what you’d want." Willow pointed to the small table between them that was more or less filled with cups and small packets. "I got you a coffee, a hot chocolate, a mocha, an iced tea and a apple juice." The redhead pointed out the drinks in turn. "And these are cookies." She tapped one of the small bags. "The other one are those short cake and caramel things you like."

Tara looked around the table and then at Willow more than amazed.

"We’ll be here all night getting through all of them." She gave Willow a broad smile.

"I’m sorry…" Willow began apologising thinking Tara felt pressured to be with her for longer than she wanted to be.

"It wasn’t a complaint Will." The blonde shook her head, her voice tender. Her blue eyes held Willow’s assuring her that she was where she wanted to be.

Tara carefully extracted the bottle of iced tea from the middle of the collection and twisted the top of it watching as Willow similarly moved the hot chocolate from the menagerie. She picked up the spoon that sat in the saucer with it and swirled it round the large twist of spray cream floating on the top.

"I hope that’s you’re first." Tara settled back into the stool. "I know what you’re like after too much sugary cream goodness."

"It is. I don’t want to get all hyper." Willow shook her head. "You look great by the way." The redhead added realising that she hadn’t told Tara yet how great she was looking.

"Thank you." Tara blushed slightly and pushed her hair back behind her ear as she put the iced tea bottle back onto the table.

Willow’s eyes instantly went up to Tara’s face as the blonde moved her hair back, aching to see the familiar smile and blue eyes that she loved so deeply. Unable to stop them her gaze focused on the three marks on her ex-lovers cheek, which, though were slightly less red, still looked angry and painful. Willow was about to comment on them when she remembered the reaction that had caused the last time she had tried, so instead she tried to think of something else to say.

"So how have you been?" Tara interrupted Willow’s panicked hunt for a topic of conversation.

"Good." Willow replied quickly, but then stopped, it was a lie, she hadn’t been good, and anyway by saying good it might imply to Tara that she was happy without her, and she wasn’t, she wasn’t happy at all. "That is, okay, yeah I’ve been okay, as okay as I can be." She expanded. "You?"

"It’s hard, I’m better than I was." Tara admitted softly and her words made Willow look up into blue eyes.

"It’s so hard." Willow agreed in a whisper.

For a long moment the pair sat in silence, playing with their drinks, both wanting to say something but not knowing what to say.

"Do you want to share a cookie?" Willow pointed to the cookie bag. Tara nodded slightly and breathed out softly, maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea.

******

"Wow." The word was breathed out in an impressed whisper.

Buffy frowned slightly and looked around the entrance hall, noticing Dawn’s shoes kicked untidily beside the stairs and Willow’s second choice jacket hung on the back of one of the dining room chairs.

"I guess." The Slayer said simply she stepped through into the dining room and picked up Willow’s jacket. "She decided on the other one." She said as she moved to hang the small dark coat up on the coat rack.

"How excited was she?" The Slayer was asked as her visitor followed her though into the lounge.

"On the point of explosion." Buffy grinned and say down on the couch, patting the cushion next to her. "But she was scared too, I offered to go with her but she wanted to go it alone."

"Understandable. When are you expecting her home?" There was a slight amount of apprehension in the question and it instantly made Buffy glance at the clock on the VCR.

"Not before nine." Buffy replied frowning slightly as she had not yet been joined on the couch. "Are you ok?"

"Yes."

Buffy watched as eventually her guest sat down, though it was only to perch on the edge of a couch cushion.

"You’re not." Buffy moved closer instantly and put her hand on a denim-clad knee. She looked up into brown eyes, frowning slightly. "What is it?" Her voice became softer.

"I’m…" The answer began but ended prematurely with a sigh.

"You’re?" Buffy pushed gently stroking her hand over the rough denim material.

"Perhaps this wasn’t a good idea." Buffy’s hand unexpectedly dropped away as the knee it stroked moved and her visitor stood up. "I should go."

"Go?" Buffy jumped up from her place on the couch and hurried after the retreating figure. "What’s going on?" She asked catching hold of the light grey fleeced covered arm that reached out to open the front door.

"We’re…. they’re…. you’re not ready for this." ame Buffy’s explanation of sorts as long fingers closed around the small metal lock.

"For this? For what? No one’s here." Buffy pulled the hand down and turned to ensure they were looking at each other.

"Exactly."

The word stopped Buffy’s breath in her chest.

"Dawn and Willow are both out, so I get an invite to come around." The explanation continued, though in reality it didn’t need to, Buffy had realised what it was about from the look in the brown eyes that held her hazel ones. "And what happens if Willow comes home early, or Dawn decides she can’t wait till morning to find out how the coffee date went?" There was no element of accusation in the tone of the words, just sad simple stating. "I’m just a friend, here on the off chance, just popped in. Would I even get friend status?"

"Of course you would." Buffy said quickly, the words hurting her ears as they reached them, though mainly it was because the Slayer knew they were true. "I…" Buffy racked her brain to think of something, anything to say that would make this better.

"It’s okay Buffy." The voice went back to love filled softness. "It doesn’t change anything, it just makes this a bad idea." Turning out of the Slayer’s eyes, once again the door was reached for and this time opened. "It was a lovely idea, despite being bad." Leaning in a light kiss was placed on Buffy’s cheek before the warm lips left her chilled skin to be replaced by cold air as the Slayer was left standing alone in the door way.

******

"It’s complicated." Willow said after swallowing her last mouthful of chocolate chip cookie. The hot chocolate cup was empty and along with the iced tea bottle and the empty fruit juice glass it had been moved onto a nearby table to give more room on the table top. The mocha was half empty and the cookie bag was screwed up in a tight ball and being played with by Tara as she listened to Willow’s expose on the Anya, Xander situation. "I guess I just think Anya would be better off being here and at least trying to sort it."

"I… I th-th-think Anya’s right to have gone away." Tara said softly as Willow paused to break off another piece of the last remaining cookie. "It’s what I’d have done." She let her voice drop in volume. "It’s what I did."

"No, no." Willow instantly regretted having mentioned the whole situation at all as she heard Tara’s words. "I mean you only went back to the dorms, and the situation wasn’t similar at all, I mean what I did was so terrible, Xander only…" She stopped again as she realised that she’d opened her mouth without actually thinking anything through at all.

"It’s okay Willow." Tara soothed. "I did what I though was best, so did Xander, and Anya. She’ll come back when she’s ready."

"It was best." Willow took a breath, she had needed to say this to Tara since she had left her, well no, since she realised what a mess she had caused. "I needed to find out how wrong I was, something had to get through to me."

Tara reached out and closed her hand over the one Willow still had on the cookie.

"Don’t." She whispered her voice loaded almost with warning; clearly this was a place to which the Wicca didn’t want to go.

"Oh." Willow stopped and took a breath. "Sorry." She apologised for even starting. She looked down at her hand for a moment realising after a while the strange feeling that spread from it up into her arm and body.

Tara, the feeling was Tara, being touched by her, held by her, her skin on Willow’s, the warm and excitement that it offered.

Feeling her chest tighten and her heart begin to thump hard in her chest, Willow almost pulled her hand away, but she couldn’t bring herself to. It was too precious, to special to be there, being touched by Tara. So instead Willow looked up into Tara’s blue eyes and turned her hand to actually hold the one above hers.

For a long moment the two just looked at each other, as if reminding themselves of the beauty and perfection their eyes recorded. With a slow careful move Willow lifted her other hand and pushed Tara’s hair back to reveal her ear. A slightly puzzled frown danced on Tara’s face.

"Earrings." Willow explained in a low breathed voice. "I wanted to check…." She closed her fingertips around the small brown beaded drop in Tara’s earlobe. Unable to stop them her bottom two fingers grazed lightly against Tara’s neck as she pressed her thumb over the front of the earring over and over.

"They match.." Tara found herself hardly able to form a reply as she fought against the waves of undeniable pleasure Willow’s barest touch sent through her.

"Your necklace, I know." Willow let her fingers drop away from Tara’s ear onto her neck in a smooth movement tracing quickly along the line of matching beads there.

Willow could hardly control the shake in her hand as she moved her fingers along the beads, the fact that Tara hadn’t stopped her made her feel like shaking more. The thought that possibly Tara liked, even wanted this contact blew her mind. Almost unbidden Willow moved her finger tips up onto Tara’s cheek touching the end of the longest scratch, tracing over the roughness of the thin angry line, a frown flickering across her face.

"Am I hurting you?" Willow asked as she moved her fingers higher over the wounds.

Tara shook her head dumbly. She was more or less sure her voice didn’t work anymore. In fact she wasn’t sure any of her body was functioning as it should since Willow had touched her.

Willow traced her fingers up and down the thin lines for a moment and then brushed them over all three in a soft motion. Without thinking, the redhead leaned up out of her stool, leaning across the table to bring her lips to her fingers, and then, mover her stroking hand aside she pressed her lips against Tara’s cheek.

Tara’s breath stopped in her throat and firmly refused to either complete its intake or release as Willow kissed her.

From the moment she had left until this moment all Tara had wanted to happen was for Willow to kiss her again, to hold her like she used to and love her as she had. But in all that longing, that hoping and dreaming she hadn’t actually thought it would happen, and most certainly not like this. She was also not prepared for how it would feel, for how completely wonderful it would be.

Willow’s senses nearly overloaded as she pressed her lips again over Tara’s cheek. The smell of the soft skin so close to her nose, so familiar, punctuated possibly a little with a hint of antiseptic, but still so undeniably Tara scent. And the softness beneath her lips, disturbed in the slightest by the raised marks she kissed ‘better’, yet unequivocally Tara’s skin. The blonde strands, like spun gold that caught her eye as she pressed close, some a little darker, others bright and shining, and all unmistakably Tara’s. The sound of slightly stilted breath and marginally fast beating heart, that rang in her ears and echoed in her head, distinctly Tara’s and the taste on her lips, better than apple pie, chocolate and even mocha’s, unquestionably Tara.

Lost in this blissful onslaught on her sense, Willow stopped reasoning and thinking and acted on instinct. Her green eyes closing as she brought her mouth around and pressed lips to lips in the desperate quest to sense more.

For a moment Tara simply couldn’t react, it was only when her body managed to break from its reverie that she realised she needed to breath, and rather desperately, as things were looking a little hazy at the edges of her vision she began the move to pull her head back.

The slight shift in the lips beneath her made Willow slam out of her trance, and the reality of where she was, and what she had just done hit her like a fast moving truck. She pulled back and dropped back onto her stool.

"Tara, oh God, I’m sorry." She looked at the blonde as she struggled to breathe in evenly, as well as rid her eyes of the startled expression she just knew they held. Without stopping to question Willow slid off her stool and grabbed her jacket off the floor where it had fallen when she quickly moved off the stool. "I’m so sorry." She repeated as she turned and literally ran out of the coffee shop.

******

"It was a lovely idea despite being a bad one." Buffy echoed the recent words to herself as she kicked at a large stone in the middle of the cemetery path and sent it skidding into the grass. Her tone was childish and mocking, but her face was sad and devoid of the anger that would normally have accompanied such an echoing.

She dug her hands deep in the pockets of the long Mac she was wearing and repeated the phrase over.

"How can wanting to spend time with you be a bad idea?" Buffy mumbled glumly as she dropped her head and trudged on.

"You always said spending time with me was a bad idea." Landing on the path with a light thud, Spike took up a slow walk along side Buffy, trying to look around and down to catch her eye.

"Please go away." Buffy didn’t even attempt to make eye contact.

"I was only trying to be pleasant." Spike shrugged and gave up trying to make Buffy look at him, but he didn’t stop his walk alongside her.

"What have we got to be pleasant to each other about?" Buffy shook her head and stopped.

"Well there was that whole thing…" Spike began in explanation. Buffy lifted her hand and shook her head clearly telling him to stop.

"Like I said before I don’t doubt how you feel, but I also don’t doubt how I feel either and I don’t love you Spike, believe me I don’t." She underlined clearly.

"I know." The peroxide vampire put his hands in the pockets of his long leather coat. "And I appreciate you finishing with me, understanding the honesty I am." He admitted. "But I don’t like to see you with that sad face. Wanted to know if I could help."

Buffy let a heavy sigh escape her lips as she shook her head.

"You can’t." She began walking again. "I have to…." The Slayer stopped when she realised she was actually attempting to explain something to Spike and more than that the vampire was listening. "Why are you being nice to me?" She asked suddenly looking up at Spike with a frown.

For a moment he tried to look hurt and offended but it didn’t last and instead his looked turned into a salacious smile.

"Oh no don’t bother explaining." Buffy shook her head mildly annoyed.

"You can’t blame a bloke for trying." Spike defended.

"Yes, Yes I can!" Buffy snapped, the mild annoyance turning into blind anger in an instant. "I have told you nicely, I have been mean, do I have to hire a plane and write it in the sky not that you could see it unless it was an overcast day." She pointed out in her fury. "I do not want to be with you, I feel… I feel sick when I think of what we did. I don’t feel anything for you that ever could be anything good. I don’t, couldn’t and won’t ever love you."

"You don’t know that Buffy…" Spike began to argue, taking a few steps closer to the Slayer.

"I do!" Buffy was more than adamant. "I know because I don’t feel it inside, and I know what I should feel inside if I did love you."

"Oh yeah?" Spike scoffed. "Since when did you become all feeling Buffy? Remember the whole coming back thing, the not quite in the same place as everyone else. You’ve not felt a thing since you’ve been back, how can you know you don’t love me?"

"I know." Buffy said as she forcibly calmed herself and looked up squarely into Spike’s eyes. "I know because I’m in love with someone else and I know how that makes me feel, and I know that I could never, ever feel anything like this for you."

It was obvious that the vampire had had in mind an argument for anything the Slayer had come up with, anything that was, except for the words that came out of her mouth. Still he opened his mouth to say something but nothing more than a pained ‘oh’ escaped.

Buffy said nothing, instead she just began a quicker walk down the cemetery path, flicking her head up and shaking her hair into the wind.

Behind her Spike watched her go until she was nearly out of earshot.

"It’ll never work!" He called loudly after her. "Who ever he is, he doesn’t stand a chance."

Buffy slowed her pace but kept on walking, tears springing instantly to her hazel eyes as she listened with almost morbid fascination to everything Spike called to her.

"You don’t love anyone Buffy, you can’t! There’s the slaying, there’s the Scoobies, there’s always going to be something more important to you than them and no one’s gonna put up with that. I WAS THE BEST OFFER YOU HAD!" He yelled harder as Buffy reached the cemetery gate and it was obvious his calls had failed to stop her.

"Bugger." He cursed softly whilst turning and stalking off into the shadows.

****

Willow slammed the front door closed behind her and then fell against it, dragging air painfully into her lungs between hard sobs and angry self-hating snarls. Slowly she slid down its wooden length, ending up in a crying, distraught bundle on the floor. Not bothering to rearrange herself comfortably or make any attempt to curb the wave of grief that washed over, she slumped sideways and let the tears come unbridled, her whole body shaking with each hard sob.

******

"Giles." Anya’s bright voice clearly requested instant attention, which considering the Englishman was in a deep sleep proved to be somewhat taxing. "Giles." A stamp of her foot accompanied her second request for attention.

Giles blinked open her eyes and focused on the figure in front of him, though from his position on the couch all he could really take in without cranking his neck was the former vengeance demon’s pink flowered dress.

"Anya, it’s…" Giles glanced at the nearest clock as he put his glasses on. "It’s four o’clock in the morning, why are you up and dressed?" He asked as he pushed himself into a sitting position.

"I’m going back to Sunnydale." Anya announced pointing to the small bag that she had appeared with less than twenty-four hours earlier.

"Anya, you only just got here." The watcher pointed out trying not to sound as tired or as agitated as he actually felt.

"I know, but I feel better." Anya nodded emphatically.

"Well I’m glad that you do Anya but…" Giles managed to rearrange the blanket around the lower half of his body so that he could sit up properly without it hampering his efforts to do so.

"No there’s no buts, I’m feeling ready to face everyone again, so come on hurry up." She reached out and pulled at the hand Giles had over the blanket.

"Well we need to find out flight details and to get you a ticket." Giles outlined the need for at least a little planning.

"We can do that at the airport." The former vengeance demon blew off Giles’ concerns. "All we need is for you to pack, so come on."

"Pack?" The watcher looked up shocked.

"Well of course packed, you said yourself you had one or two things to say to Xander and I feel much better knowing that you will be there to support me. Some come on, hurry, hurry, we don’t want to miss a plane because you’re dilly dallying." She released his hand and clapped hers together before disappearing into the bathroom.

******

Buffy reached up and pressed the doorbell next to the black painted doorframe of number 998a Baker Avenue. It was a tall, old looking building that had obviously been divided up into lofts some time ago, though each of the three lofts it now consisted of managed to have its own front door, all sitting neatly side by side. 998a had a black door, 998b a white door and 998c a grayish one that desperately needed a new coat of paint.

For behind the door there came the click of a light switch being turned on, further underlined by the gleam of light through the small round window centrally positioned in the black door. Then after a few soft scuffling sounds of various locks being released the door opened.

"Buffy." Surprise was more than evident in the voice but it turned almost instantly into concern. "Buffy you’re crying, what is it? What’s wrong?" Taking a small step towards the Slayer a hand was offered in comfort.

Buffy took a deliberate step away shaking her head.

"You were right." Buffy said, her voice wavering slightly as she looked down at the floor.

‘It should be raining.’ She thought as she looked down at the dry concrete. Wasn’t it supposed to rain when sad things happened?

"About what?" Came the confused inquiry.

"What you said this evening." Buffy bit the corner of her lip. "It was a bad idea."

"Buffy what’s going on?" Fear crept into the voice beneath the question.

"Everything you said was right, I waited till the instant they were all gone and then I called you. I wanted you with me, but only when they weren’t there." The Slayer explained her voice thick with tears and self-anger. "I’m like hiding you in the shadows like something that is secret, wrong." She shook her head hating the swirl of emotions in her heart and soul.

"It’s ok Buffy, I didn’t mean it as a big thing, I understand…"

"No, no it’s not ok." Buffy interrupted, her voice resolute. "You say it is but it isn’t. You said it yourself it was a bad idea, I was a bad idea."

"What?" Fear was replaced by complete bewilderment and surprise.

"You’ve been nothing but straight with me and I’ve been creeping around, keeping you a secret as if you’re something dirty or bad and you’re not." Buffy looked up through tear filled hazel eyes, right into deep confused brown ones. "You’re not bad, it’s not wrong to be with you, I know that. I’ve been bad before so I know you’re not, we’re not." Buffy forced herself to calm enough to draw in a lungful of air. "God I know this isn’t the way to say this." She began, wiping her hands on her coat. She opened her mouth to begin a gain but a finger on her lips stopped her.

"Before you say anything else, come inside."

Buffy was directed gently. The hand moved down and took Buffy’s pulling her lightly towards the apartment. Wordlessly she moved inside.

******

"Coffee."

The single word broke through Willow’s numb mind and stilted the tears in her throat. Though it was more the fact that it was Tara’s voice that said it that made the lowered redhead lift her face slightly off the cushion on the couch.

"Such a simple thing really, a few broken up beans and some hot water." With soft foot falls from her black boots being almost completely deadened by the thick carpet Tara eased from the hall into the living room of the Summer’s house.

Willow blinked her eyes free of tears, focusing on the taller woman as she stopped a little short of the couch that she was curled up on.

"Who’d have thought it could cause all this?" Tara looked round at the discarded jacket that the redhead had obviously just thrown when she had moved from the floor to the couch, the small piles of shredded and soaked tissues littering the floor and finally at the small form hunched right into the corner of the thickly cushioned seat. The Wicca’s voice was even and calm, though the pain of seeing Willow in such a state was more than evident in her blue eyes.

"I’m sorry." Willow squeaked thinking that Tara’s phrase had meant more than commenting on the obvious mess. Tara shook her head not wanting to hear yet another apology from her ex-lover.

"Why did you run Willow?" She asked carefully tipping her head to the side slightly.

"I messed up." Willow replied her bottom lip trembling, part of her wondered why the Wicca was here doing this, was it to make her feel worse? Could she feel worse? Then again Tara had the right to make her feel horrible after all she had been put through, didn’t she? But no, that didn’t make sense because Tara couldn’t bear to watch anything suffer so that can’t be why she had followed her.

"You kissed me." Tara underlined the event clearly her tone and look somewhat unreadable.

"I know, I’m sorry." Willow let her head drop as pain laced through her chest. She couldn’t even begin to comprehend the damage she had done.

"I’m not." Tara whispered keeping everything about her calm, centered and controlled.

"I understand if you never want to drink co…" Willow stopped and looked up as Tara’s words managed to penetrate her dense brain. "You’re n…"

Tara shook her head interrupting Willow’s repetition.

"You can’t know the hours I have spent alone in my dorm room, dreaming, feeling the touch of your lips on mine over and over, only to have to face the cold truth that it wasn’t real, that you weren’t there, weren’t with me." Tara began never once taking her eyes off Willow. "I’ve lost count of the times I see you at school and just want to be with you, to be touching you, kissing you."

Willow uncurled herself more and more with each of Tara’s words, her green eyes locking onto blue as she sat up straighter on the couch.

"But then I remember." Tara took a breath.

Willow instantly sagged as the world once again fell heavily onto her shoulders pressing her down hard.

"And then there was coffee." The blonde took another breath. "And there you were…" Now it was time for the blonde’s voice to crack and break. "With me." A tear seeped from the corner of her right eye. "Touching me." It slid down her cheek. "Kissing me." A sob choked in Tara’s throat. "And I can’t fight anymore." She shook her head as tear after tear spilled from her blue eyes. "I need you Willow."

"Oh baby." Willow was up out of the couch before Tara could even reach out for her. She closed her thin arms around Tara’s body and held her close, pulling back only to look into Tara’s eyes and wipe the tears from her cheeks with her thumbs as the rest of her hand cupped the sides of the blonde’s face. Then she kissed her quickly and passionately, her eyes closing as she felt Tara enclose her tightly in her arms and press back into the kiss she offered with more hunger and need than she could ever have expected or dreamed of.

******

The dark green couch was comfortable Buffy registered, the coffee cup in her hands was warm, and the milky coffee it contained smelled rich and inviting.

‘WHICH ISN’T RIGHT!’ The Slayer’s mind screamed at her.

She should be uncomfortable and unhappy, not curled up on the sofa, warm, comfortable and safe.

"Okay now you can carry on." From their place on the chair opposite the couch in the fairly small but spacious sitting room Buffy’s host permitted a continuation.

Buffy blew over the surface of the contents of her cup and then looked down at the floor.

"I’m not sure what else I had to say really." The Slayer admitted having to fight the atmosphere around her that just called to her to relax and given in to the comfort offered.

"It sounded like you had quite a lot to say." There was an element of persuasion in the statement that made Buffy look up momentarily.

"Did it?" Buffy’s voice came out little louder than a whisper.

"Uh huh." The sound of agreement was accompanied by a simple nod.

"Ok yes I did have a lot to say, but." Buffy sighed hard and leaned forward, putting her cup on the table. "But it seems harder to say it now." She frowned and pushed up to stand wondering if that would help to settle the foundation inside her that she needed to speak her mind.

"I’m sorry I make things harder." The quick apology was soft and honest.

"You don’t." Buffy swung her hands for a moment before clasping them behind her back. "Which makes it harder." She turned her back to the room and leaned her head against the wall.

"This is about me leaving this evening isn’t it?"

"No." Buffy turned and shook her head. "That is yes, but no. You were right to leave." She moved back to the couch and sat down. "It’s not fair to you, I’m not fair to you, sneaking around here when I can, calling you when no one can hear me, inviting you around when I know there is no one there to meet you. And then there is the things that I tell you that just aren’t true, well no, they are true but they’re not the complete truth. Like Spike." She pressed her fingers into her temples.

"Spike?" Confusion filled the reply.

"William, oh God see, I didn’t even tell you his name." Buffy shook her head, disgusted with herself.

"I don’t think failing to tell me William’s nickname is a reason for much concern Buffy."

"It is, I haven’t told you everything." Buffy felt herself begin to tremble a little as she felt things spiral a little out of control inside herself.

"Buffy, Buffy." Moving off their chair Buffy’s partner came over and knelt on the floor in front of her. "You didn’t love him and you slept with him, you let him hurt you, that’s all I need to know." The simple fact was stressed.

"But there is so much…" Buffy lamented feeling her cheeks wet with tears. "So much that gets in the way, stops you from being the most important thing in my world, so much that pushes in before you, when it shouldn’t, when you should be first."

"So it’s over? Is that what you’re saying?" The assessment came slowly and carefully as brown eyes met hazel once more.

"Over?" Buffy squeaked as those hazel eyes flooded with real panic. "I don’t want it to be over." She admitted weakly.

"Then sshhh." Again a finger was placed softly on Buffy’s lips. "We both have 'things' Buffy, things neither of us know about the other, God how could we not we've only known each other just over a month." The finger brushed softly over Buffy’s lips and then moved to lightly cup her chin. "I understand that there are things that we need to talk about, and that need to be more open and free, but I also understand that here I am in a relationship with you, Buffy Summers, and that you were Buffy Summers long before I came along and all of that which is important to you is still there. I'm the new added extra Buffy and I'm not asking to come first." They gave a light shrug. "I'm not even pushing for equal second. I just want to be a part of the Buffy Summers Universe."

"You are such a big part of it." Buffy let herself cry as she pushed forward closing her arms around the other person. She couldn’t believe how good this felt. How amazing it felt to actually feel something, how empowering it was to be able to cry and have some one warm hold her and sooth her, how liberating it was to feel the freedom to admit to the darkness inside her and come through the other side still feeling loved, cherished and wanted. "I love you." She wept.

"I never doubted it." Came the honest reply. "Even with all the trauma of the last hour or so."

Buffy just leaned harder into the embrace, closing her eyes and letting herself be lost in the immensity of the feelings in and around her. It reminded her of something, though she couldn’t quite put her finger on what, but whatever it was something good, something that had felt so fine.

Pulling back a little the Slayer focused again on soft warm brown eyes, as she leant in and brought their lips together, in what started as a sweet kiss, cementing all that had just been said, but that soon turned into one of more depth and passion. Escalating further in just moments until both had to pull back just to breathe.

"I guess hiding the fact I love you too isn’t something I’m good at." The soft whisper was met with a smile from the Slayer.

"It’s not." Buffy grinned as she kissed soft lips again briefly.

"I don’t want to be good at it, I want you to know it without a doubt."

"Then show me." Buffy’s voice wavered for the first time since her crying had stopped.

"Buffy?" This time it was Buffy’s partners turn to question. "We talked about this and you said..."

"I know what I said." Buffy kissed lips and cheeks lightly over and over, "And I know what I am saying now. Show me." She said slowly and deliberately.

"But…" Again came the question, this wasn’t to be rushed into or second guessed it had to be right, had to be what they both wanted, both needed.

"Please." With shaking hands Buffy reached out and pulled lightly at the metal zipper on the light grey fleece pressed tight against her body. "Show me how much you love me, so that I can show you."

******

"Willow." Letting her arm flail out to the side Tara felt her fingertips catch a thin wire and then mere fractions of a second later there came a dull thud and a slightly muffled breaking sound of pot or glass, the Wicca wasn’t sure which in her oblivion of ecstasy, though she did gasp in concern.

"Only the lamp." Willow’s answer to Tara’s concern was slightly muffled too and as her flushed face appeared from between Tara’s milky thighs. Green, slightly unfocused eyes checked that indeed it was only the lamp on the small side table near the couch that had taken a dive off its perch as Tara had caught the cord before dipping right back where they came from.

Her breath coming hard and fast Tara closed her eyes and moaned a little louder. The long fingers of her other hand gripped the slightly over hanging cushion on the couch pulling it off the frame as a long and loud groan of pure pleasure escaped her lips. She pushed her back off the floor a little more in a high arch, tipping head back so that the tips of her blonde hair traced on the carpet.

"Oh God yes." She gasped locking her body for a moment and then letting it fall back onto the carpet.

After a long moment, bringing her lips up in a trail of small and fast kisses between Tara’s legs and over the slightly shaking flesh of her stomach, Willow inched forward on her knees. She pushed back with her left leg as she did so to force the bundle of material that had recently been around her waist further back out of the way so that she didn’t slip on it.

"I love you." Willow punctuated her words with kisses to Tara’s naked torso and neck and then finally her mouth, kissing her long and hard.

Tara released the cushion letting it drop on the floor beside her, and threaded her fingers into shiny red locks, breaking the kiss while fighting to control her rapid breathing.

"I think I got that." She panted as she gazed into Willow’s eyes.

"I got it too." Willow settled herself on top of Tara and snuggled into her tightly. "All three times." She grinned against the soft skin.

"Vixen." Tara chuckled continuing to stroke through Willow’s slightly damp hair.

For a long minute the pair just lay enjoying the feeling of being alive, being together, being in love, until Willow moved so that she caught Tara’s eyes.

"Is this where I say sorry again and we have that deep long and meaningful talk that seems to have been bypassed in favour of much girl on girl love action?" She asked her beautiful face frowning slightly.

"No Willow." Tara shook her head and looked at her lover adoringly, she kissed her nose softly and then turned her head rather awkwardly to glance around as much as she could. "Though it might be where we get up, pick our clothes up and move to the bedroom." She suggested with another lopsided grin.

******

Buffy opened her eyes and for the first time in at least five hours, she could see without colours or stars dancing in her eyes, or without the urge to just close them again and wallow in the glorious feelings in and around her body. She turned on her side and reached out her hand to stroke up the naked back that laid beside her. The owner of the back shivered a little in their sleep and reached back a hand blindly flailing for a blanket. The blonde Slayer smiled to herself and reached down to the bottom of the bed, pulling up the comforter from there to cover both of their naked bodies.

"Thank you Buffy." A soft sleep filled voice whispered.

"I thought you were sleeping." Buffy snuggled in as an arm reached back around her.

"I was just doing a quick battery recharge as it were."

"You were amazing." Buffy’s voice was full of awe and love.

"So I managed to convince you?"

"Completely convinced." Buffy said instantly. "Though whenever you want to you can re-convince me." Snuggling in tighter still Buffy closed her eyes, she had meant to go home but she just couldn’t move, nothing could convince her to. She was warm, she was comfortable and she was loved, not to mention rather exhausted and not convinced she could walk straight.

******

Dawn gently eased her key into the front door and turned it quietly. It was much earlier than she had said she would be back but she couldn’t stand to stay away. Mostly because she couldn’t wait any longer to hear how Willow’s date with Tara had gone and with the way the plan had stood she wouldn’t have found out until after school, which was so far from happening as far as the teenager was concerned.

Still at six am the teenager opted for the go quietly into the house option. She was worried that maybe neither the redhead nor her sister would be awake; after all it was a bit early.

Stepping in silently through the barely open door, Dawn let her over-night bag slip from her shoulders onto the floor as she turned to look towards the living room, keeping an eye open for signs of life.

Brown eyes tracked slowly over the room, growing wider as they did. She took in the rutted carpet, displaced couch and spilt glass of water and stepped uneasily into the room. Next the teenager noticed broken shards of the blue and white lamp that should have been on the little table beside the couch, but that was now in fragments on the floor.

Dawn felt her heart race increase to panic pitch. She turned and half ran, half skidded to the stairs, bounding up them in a flash.

The worried teenager more or less flew down the short hall to Willow’s room, flinging open the door without pausing to stop.

"Willow, God I saw the mess down..." Dawn’s voice drifted clean away as brown eyes shifted from the tousled bedclothes, up to blinking blue eyes. "Tara?" She squeaked.

"Dawnie?" Willow’s voice came from behind the teenager, as the redhead appeared in the doorway having wrapped obviously hurriedly in a towel as she came back from the bathroom, her hair and body dripped wetly onto the carpet.

"Willow." Dawn flicked her head round to look at the redhead, and then turned it straight back to look at Tara. "Tara." She said again rather dumbly.

"Morning." Tara gave the teenager one of her best lopsided smiles.

"But, but… downstairs…" Dawn continued to look between the two women.

"I’m going to tidy it Dawnie." Willow assured the young woman. "I was just taking a much needed shower first." The redhead pointed back over her shoulder towards the bathroom. "And what are you doing home, I thought you weren’t getting in until ‘after’ school." The hacker tacked on to the end of her sentence as she moved past the teenager and picked up a second towel from the side, rubbing her hair with it.

"I wasn’t but I wanted to find out how coffee had gone." Dawn replied but all the while she was looking at Tara, who graciously shifted into a sitting position in the bed and pulled the sheets into some semblance of order.

"Coffee went great." Willow grinned blindingly and moved to sit down on the edge of the bed close to Tara, she reached out a hand that the blonde instantly took.

"Wow, I didn’t expect you two to… you know, oh!" Dawn blew cool air up into her face as she felt herself beam and blush at the same moment. "Wow." She summed up.

"Why don’t I fix breakfast while Willow clears up the mess and you get your things ready for school?" Tara smiled tenderly at the teenager.

"Okay, good plan." Willow agreed smiling at Tara before she turned to Dawn. "Is it okay with you?" She asked of the youngest Summers.

"What?" Dawn blinked as her face fell into a slight frown.

"The plan, did it sound like a workable one?" Willow repeated.

"What is it Dawnie?" Tara questioned almost at the same time, looking straight at the teenager holding her brown-eyed stare.

"You’re hurt." Dawn whispered her frown more pronounced as her eyes shifted slightly to look at Tara’s cheek.

"It’s nothing." Tara assured her but the Wicca’s hand came up and covered the three still angry marks. The trio fell into a slightly awkward silent pause before Tara spoke again. "Breakfast." She called them all into action. "Let’s see if we can have pancakes ready for when Buffy gets in."

******

"Mmmmm." Buffy turned over and gave a second low content hum as she nuzzled her face into the soft, lightly scented pillow beneath her.

"Buffy, I don’t want to wake you but it’s nearly six thirty. I tried to wake you earlier but you were sound asleep." The soft tone made it slowly to the Slayer’s ears and then through to registering in her warm and fuzzy brain. That tone made her go from dead asleep to awake and alert in a fraction of a second.

"Six thirty? God how did it get to morning?" Buffy rubbed her eye and sat up, letting the soft sheet covering her fall away, revealing her naked skin to the chilled morning air. "Oh, no it’s ok, I remember how." She turned to look at her lover who was just walking into the room carrying a glass of juice.

"I would hope so." A broad smile spread across the juice carrier’s face.

"Oh I do." Buffy took the offered glass and gulped it down quickly. "I hate to do this, but I have to…"

"Go, I know." The assurance with which the simple statement was said made Buffy sigh with happiness.

"But I’ll see you later, yes, around lunch time?" Buffy slipped out of the bed and into her clothes after receiving a gentle nod of confirmation. "I so need a shower." She crossed to the still standing figure of her lover and shared with them an exquisite kiss.

"You do." Her lover confirmed before they broke apart.

Buffy gave them a brilliant smile and moved out through the lounge to the front door.

"Thank you, for everything," The Slayer said stopping at the door. "I love you."

"You too." Still smiling Buffy’s lover called back as the Slayer slipped out.

******

Dawn pushed yet another forkful of pancake in her mouth and chomped it noisily while grinning all the while at the blonde who pottered around the kitchen, humming a light tune.

"The lounge is all tidy." Willow announced as she flounced into the kitchen with a similar smile on her face. "And there was only the one casualty."

"I’ll replace the lamp." Tara blushed slightly.

"Oh it’s okay, neither Buffy nor I liked it anyway." Dawn shook her head and talked around her pancake.

"I will buy a replacement." Tara smiled and served up another pancake.

"Mmmmm they smell good." Willow pulled off the edge of one of the cooler pancakes and pushed it into her mouth. "Mmmmm taste good too." She enthused washing it down with a mouthful of juice.

"Okay, I smell pancakes, I hear humming and Willow is wearing her fluffy love heart sleep shorts, did I miss a couple of months again?" Buffy’s voice called from behind the small group.

Willow turned first and gave Buffy a ‘look who’s in the kitchen’ grin, quickly followed by Dawn who gave an almost identical one. Buffy looked up slowly to see the blonde Wicca just measuring out a new pancake.

"It’s unbelievably good to see you Tara." Buffy decided to keep her response low key as she leaned over her sister’s shoulder and stole some pancake.

"You too." Tara smiled back softly grateful that her reaction had been more controlled than the others so far that morning.

******

Tara wiped the pink and white-checkered dishcloth over the work surface for a final time and then laid it down neatly in a square next to the faucet.

"Wow." Buffy said quietly from her place at the Wicca’s side. She stopped drying one of the breakfast plates and glanced at Tara.

"Wow?" Tara repeated with a questioning smile.

"Yes wow." Buffy said again. "Wow you’re here, wow you made breakfast, wow Willow is smiling and has walked Dawn to school and wow can somebody never wake me up because this is just the best big happy dream I have ever had."

"I’m glad you’re happy." Tara replied succinctly.

"Oh I am, everyone obviously is." Buffy noted but the smile wavered a little on her face as she continued. "But it can’t be as simple as this can it Tara?" She didn’t like to question but she felt she had to.

"You mean I can’t go from running away from Willow to making breakfast for her and you all in less then twenty four hours?" Tara quizzed.

"Pretty much but you know I could be wrong." The Slayer shrugged. "I think I want to be wrong."

"I don’t know if you’re wrong so much as…" The blonde Wicca sighed. "I love her so much Buffy, being apart from her was just too hard."

For a long moment the Slayer looked at Tara then her face softened and she nodded.

"For her too, being away from you that is." Buffy clarified. "And I get that, I do." She assured her friend. "It’s not been the same here since you left, it’s been, well basically, harder.

"Is that why you’re not here most of the time?" Tara asked carefully hoping she hadn’t just over stepped some invisible mark.

"What?" Buffy frowned hard again and looked straight into Tara’s eyes.

"I’m s-s-sorry." Tara’s confidence slipped immediately. "I thought…" She blushed hot and fast. "When you appeared this morning no one looked like it was a big deal or anything, you know, I thought it must be a common thing."

"Actually." Buffy’s face softened almost instantly, "I think its only thanks to the wowness of you being here with the cooking and everything that I didn’t get the interrogation of where, when and who I was with last night, all night."

"So do I now ask where, when and who?" The naturally shy witch asked with a smile. Completely uncharacteristically Buffy blushed, which made Tara’s eyebrow arch high. "Am I sensing the need for coffee and a long chat?" She reached over and flicked on the kettle.

"How have any of us managed without you." Buffy rewarded the blonde with a bright smile. "I’ll finish drying the dishes, make us coffee and bring it to you on the couch."

******

Tara didn’t have to wait long as Buffy soon came through with two mugs of coffee, she handed one to the Wicca in her place curled into the corner of the couch and took the other with her as she nestled into the armchair along side.

"Thank you." Tara took the mug and watched Buffy sit down. "So?" She encouraged.

Buffy smiled and realized just how much she had missed this shy and yet caring woman.

"Well." Buffy picked at her skirt for a second and then put her coffee down taking a light breath.

"Buffy, if you don’t want to you don’t have to say anything." Tara assured her.

"No, no, I…" Buffy took another breath and looked up into soft blue. "I want to tell you, I want to tell everyone." She assured her.

Tara nodded encouragingly for her to continue.

"Last night, I was…" She stopped again, wondering why her heart was suddenly racing. Then again as she recalled in detail the events of the night before her wonder evaporated to be replaced with a warmer, more intoxicating memory and feeling. Suddenly remembering she was mid way through explaining to Tara what had been going on, Buffy jolted herself back to the here and now.

"I was with my lover." She said quickly. "New lover, not Spike bad urg lover." She clarified quickly.

"Your…" Tara began but stopped as Buffy added another whisper.

"It was our first time."

"Your…" Tara’s blue eyes flared wider. "Oh Buffy that’s…" She stopped again smiling. "Willow didn’t tell me you’d found someone new."

"Willow doesn’t know." Buffy shook her head to the apology.

"Doesn’t know?" Tara was both surprised and shocked by the Slayer’s statement.

"It’s not seemed right to talk to her about it." Buffy explained hoping the Wicca wouldn’t dig too deep for information. "You know with you and her being."

Tara shook her head to stop Buffy continuing, the blonde smiled kindly at the Slayer.

"I take it that it was a unforgettable night?" She asked guiding them away from the other subject.

"Unforgettable night, daybreak and morning." Buffy blushed again unable to really believe that she was having this conversation with Tara of all people. Though she had to admit it felt comfortable and right.

"Now I’m saying, wow." Tara said softly.

"It was wow." Buffy leaned forward in her place as if suddenly inspired to share her heart with the Wicca. "Honestly Tara, I didn’t know that’s how it could feel. For a moment I thought, I don’t know, that I was going to burst or faint or something."

Tara smiled as the Slayer relaxed and actually started talking, it was the first time since her return that Buffy had really talked about her feelings, the first time she gave any inclination that anything touched her on anything more than a surface level.

"But then, when it was like it the second time and the third and…" Buffy stopped for a quick breath. "Oh Tara, I just, phew." She blew up cool air into her hair with a grin.

"It sounds like you made love Buffy." Tara smiled bashfully.

"I did." Buffy smirked in instant agreement. "That’s what it was and boy did it feel good."

"He’s a lucky guy Buffy." Tara watched as the Slayer just sat there grinning for a long moment. "Do I know him?"

"What?" Buffy broke from her reverie blinking at the Wicca. "Oh, no, that is no you don’t know them and no…."

"Well that got the mini Summers into school." The front door suddenly swung open and Willow literally bounced through.

Both Tara and Buffy jumped at the interruption.

"Hey look my girlfriend and my best friend all together and drinking coffee, oh be still my beating heart." Willow gave Tara a soppy grin and Buffy a smirk as she sunk down onto Tara’s knee.

"Actually I have to get to work." Buffy suddenly stood up much to Tara’s surprise but then to her even further shock the slayer leaned forward. "Come to the palace around 1:30, you’ll have your answers." With that the Slayer slipped out.

"Answers?" Willow turned in Tara’s lap as the door closed softly behind her best friend. "You two aren’t being all sneaky or anything are you?" Tara looked at her lover affectionately.

"No sneak." She vowed shaking her head. "By the way, good morning Miss. Rosenberg." She added leaning forward to kiss Willow’s cheek. Willow grinned and squirmed a little in her place on Tara’s lap.

"Good morning Miss Maclay." She replied looping her arms around Tara’s neck. "Can I have my breakfast now?" She added bringing her mouth to Tara’s ear and kissing just below it.

"Of course, it’s been waiting for you." Tara wiggled her eyebrow a little before shifting slightly dropping them both back onto the couch.

******

"What do you mean you have a lunch date?" Willow pouted as she closed her note pad and pushed up from the chair in the lecture hall. "You can’t have a date, I mean, I’m your date, I’m your girl, you don’t need anyone else." Deep worry and frown lines grew across the redhead’s forehead as she continued.

Beside her Tara shook her head softly and put her pad and pen and textbook away in her brightly coloured patchwork bag.

"It’s not that kind of lunch date." She said softly.

"Oh this is that thing with Buffy isn’t it?" Willow recalled the one line from earlier. "Well why can’t I come?" She pouted again.

"I didn’t get the time to ask her if you could." Tara explained pulling her jacket off her chair and slipping it on.

"But I’m her best friend it’ll be fine for me to come. We don’t have secrets, uh uh, not Buffy and me. So it’ll be fine for me to come to." Willow pulled on her coat too.

"I guess." Though Tara did not seem in the slightest bit convinced.

"So what’s it about?" The redhead asked as they walked slowly down the steps towards the door.

"About?" Tara looked slightly confused.

"The meeting, you and Buffy. She wasn’t asking about your cheek was she? No wait, does she know about it, what happened? Is that it?" Willow felt herself slip into panic mode. "Did something happen to you and you couldn’t tell me." The redhead bit her lip. "Oh God it did didn’t it! Which is why you couldn’t tell me about it. Oh was it a vampire? A demon? Oh it wasn’t a mugger was it?"

"Will, Willow please calm down." Tara gently took her lover’s arms in her hands afraid the redhead would hyperv