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After The Curtain Falls : Act 16
Thea
was relieved when she completed her trek down the flight of stairs. She hurt in
places she had forgotten could hurt. Finding Rae still completely asleep had
come as a bit of a blow. "Well
my husband, God rest his soul." Isabella blessed herself quickly. “He always
said that raw steak took the swelling out." She laughed lightly. "But I think
it's just the cold that's good for it." "Ice
then?" The maid asked smiling. "Mr.
Eaton has not allowed photographs since her passing." The maid blessed herself
again, stiffening when she realised that this was a guest and not another
servant she was talking too. She really was losing her touch in her old age.
"I'm sorry, I'll leave you now. Call if you require anything as one of us is
always nearby." "His
wife?" Thea questioned for clarity to stop the maid’s retreat. The woman nodded
slightly. “When was that?" She asked figuring this might be the best way to
find answers to some of the questions burning in her mind. "It'll be twenty five years this Christmas." The woman blessed herself again. "She
died at Christmas time?" She asked a little disturbed.
"Yes, it was Christmas." The maid shook her head sadly. "How
terrible." Thea’s voice was honest. "And how old was Angelina?" “A
mere seven." The maid frowned. "How
did it happen?" Thea asked boldly, her mind reeling at how young Cleo had been. "It
was not the right way for a beautiful woman like her to pass." The maid shook
her head after a short hesitation. "I'm
sorry." She offered seeing the hesitation. "It isn’t my business." "Oh
no Miss. Winters." The maid apologised. "It is just such a tragedy." "An
accident?" Thea offered thinking on the maid’s words. "That
was the official account." She uneasily sat down without thinking. "But those of
us who were here know that is a lie." Thea's mind stopped its logical arguments
of explanation as she looked at the maid. "She didn't slip that day, she'd
walked the balcony a hundred times." "It
happened here?" She breathed as the woman’s words registering in her head. "On
the third floor." The maid whispered. "It's barred up now. Her private rooms
were up there."
"Private rooms?" Thea asked thinking of her own family home. There wouldn’t be
any chance of her mother having private rooms. Especially not with her and Tori
roaming everywhere. "Yes,
Mrs. Eaton had her own private rooms up there." The woman smiled. "She was a
painter. It was her sanctuary." She added in a soft whisper. "I
had no idea." Thea was suddenly intrigued. "Not
many do." Isabella shook her head. "Most every bit of her has been wiped from
the house." "Are
any of her paintings in the house?" She asked desperate to see this allusive
hidden woman. "There is one, it in Angelina's study." "Do
you think could I see it?" Thea moved the blanket back and pushed herself off
the couch. "Of
course." The maid smiled. "Miss. Eaton said you are to have free reign." She
grinned to herself knowing the order was to be followed regardless of request.
The older woman got up slowly. "Let me help you Miss. Winters." She offered her
arm. Thea
took it letting the older woman guide her. Isabella led her slowly to the study. "Did
she paint a lot?" Thea asked as they walked. "Oh yes!" Isabella looked off happily. "She was a wonderful artist." Thea
looked around the study walls her ears registering the maid’s reply but her
focus intent on looking for the painting. Isabella knew that Thea would be
surprised when she didn't see the painting straight off.
"Miss. Amanda was most talented especially with portraits. Let me show you."
Isabella smiled.
"Please do." Thea nodded a bit confused as to where the painting was. "This
is all a bit much but Miss. Eaton thinks it necessary." The maid moved towards
the wall that held a large seascape. She punched the hidden switch in the table
underneath watching as a large piece of the wall sunk in and slid over revealing
the medium sized painting held in a golden frame. Thea watched intrigued as her
eyes registered the sight of a young girl sat on top of a brown horse her blonde
hair flowing in the wind. Her smile captured perfectly. ‘Oh
my!’ Thea’s lips moved silently to form the words as she took a slow step
forward. "It
is beautiful, isn't it?" The woman moved back to let the actress see. "It's
Angelina." She breathed, her voice still nearly silent.
"Yes." Isabella whispered. "Miss. Amanda worshipped her daughter.” Thea
stared at the image of the young girl. The large doe brown eyes and blond hair
so perfectly captured. Yet there was a stark difference between the young girl
in the painting and the woman she knew but she just couldn't work out what it
was exactly. "This
is the last painting Miss. Amanda completed." The woman added softly. "It was
her Christmas present to Angelina. I think that is why Miss. Eaton keeps in
hidden as it is the last token she has of happiness." "Was
the horse Angelina's too?" Thea managed to ask after some moments of silence.
"Yes,
Chocolate muffin." The maid laughed at the name. "Miss. Amanda let her name it." "It's
beautiful." Thea’s voice was full of awe as she reached out her fingers to touch
the gold frame lightly. "The
rest were taken from the house and none have laid eyes on them since." Isabella
looked at the painting sadly. "Except for the unfinished ones I imagine are
barred in her chambers, but those shall never been seen either." "Are
there any pictures of her, any where?" Thea asked still unable to look away from
the painting. "I
have one actually." The maid smiled. "You see I have been with Miss. Amanda
since she was a young woman."
"Really?" This made Thea finally look away from the picture. "Yes,
let me bring it here." The older woman moved off slowly. Thea
smiled warmly watching the maid walk away, her eyes going back to the painting.
She studied the young girl in riding clothes who smiled back at her still unable
to place what it was that reached out from the piece and haunted her. "Here
we go." The maid came back in and handed the small frame to the actress.
"Thank you." She whispered softly as she looked down at the black and white
photograph in the silver frame. "She
was the most beautiful creature." The maid took a step away. "In both body and
soul."
‘Indeed she was.’ Thea thought as she found herself amazed by the tall elegant
woman that looked back at her. The young woman was dressed in a typically
expensive gown that was both simple and elegant. "The
money was all hers." Isabella added suddenly not really knowing why she wanted
to tell this. “That's why Angelina controls it all now." "They
look so similar." She suddenly realised only accidentally that she was saying
her thoughts out loud. "Yes,
it is almost eerie to look at Miss. Eaton. I often have to remind myself it is
not Miss. Amanda." "The
same eyes, cheek bones…" Thea listed the similarities that struck her. "Same
mouth…" The maid nodded. "And hair." Even though the photograph held no
colour it was obvious that Amanda Eaton had white blond hair just like her
daughter. It was even a similar length to the style that Cleo wore. "I
say they would have been almost the same woman." Isabella spoke softly. "If not
for losing her." "Why
did she do it then?" Thea asked her voice very low as she held out the frame to
return it to the older woman. "It's
hard to understand, they'd fought so many times." She took the frame and slipped
it into the large pocket in her apron. "Especially over Angelina." "Over
Angelina? She was just a child. What was there to fight over?" A streak of pain
raged inside of Thea. "A
child's life must be planned." The maid shrugged. "The woman you see today is
her father's doing, not Miss. Amanda's. Mr. Eaton wanted a son not a daughter,
but when Miss. Amanda couldn't have any more children he decided a daughter
would have to be moulded."
"Couldn't?" Thea breathed in slowly, remembering her conversation with Cleo that
morning. She felt her stomach sink slightly. She’d no idea of the hornet’s
nest behind all this and there she had been with all her pushy questions.
"It
nearly killed her to have Angelina." The maid continued. "Such a slight woman,
she wasn't built for birthing. Mr. Eaton had decided that if he could have no
son, then his daughter would be all that a son could have been." She shook her
head softly.
"Boarding school and private at home tutoring during the summer months?" Thea
suggested what the man’s solution would have been in a bitter voice. "No
quite worse I'm afraid." The woman shook her head.
"Worse?" Thea frowned, unable to think of a worse. "He
was to teach her himself." Isabella looked away. "Miss. Amanda wanted none of
that." The actress could only listen astounded. "Business meetings is not a
place for a seven year old. Horseback riding, painting, some school... play was
for a seven year old, not stock meetings and club luncheons." Thea
shook her head it had been hard for her and Tori but nothing like what Isabella
was describing.
"Miss. Amanda got her way somewhat I imagine." The maid blessed herself again.
"His plans didn't quite work either as when the estate went to Angelina he was
left with near to nothing in comparison and over time as she grew Timothy
couldn't bare to look at his daughter." She whispered the last words. "He
moved away?" Thea asked very aware suddenly that Mr. Eaton was just as
non-existence as Mrs. Eaton.
"No,
not formally." She shook her head. "But he is rarely in the country." "But
surely he was the executive of the estate, until Angelina was old enough?" Thea
questioned trying to understand. "No."
The maid shook her head. "You see Miss. Amanda was a Philips originally and it
was from her mother that her estate came. The money was put in trust for
Angelina and the estate is so large it was to be run like a company. It had a
board of directors until Angelina was old enough to take control of it herself." "I
see." Thea whispered hardly able to understand how such a weight could be left
on the shoulders of a child. "He
was given a sum to make any legal claim to the estate nullified, on top of a
prenuptial he had to sign when he married Miss. Amanda. All of this is
Angelina's." She motioned to the house. "Mr. Eaton is very rich indeed, but it
is Angelina who is Queen. That was her mother's legacy, a daughter who would
never want for anything but who could never have the one thing she wanted." The
woman spoke softer. "Her mother's suicide both made her and ruined her." Thea
looked at the painting again suddenly realising what the difference was. She
lost herself in the child’s brown eyes. ‘The
sparkle!’ The difference became clear in her mind. There was no sparkle in
Cleo's smile not like there was in this child's. She tore herself from the
painting and looked back at Isabella. "You
should probably sort that." She motioned to the painting. "And I need to sit
down. Not to mention the fact I have a lovely cup of tea waiting for me." She
smiled lightly.
"Of
course." The woman moved to close up the wall again. "Such a tragedy." She
blessed herself again. “Let me help you back." Isabella offered when she saw
the young actress begin a struggled walk out of the study.
"No,
no. You get back to what ever you need to do." Thea rested a heavy hand on the
doorframe.
"Thank you Miss. Winters." The maid bowed slightly. "You let me know if you need
anything at all and may I say…" Thea smiled and waited for the older woman’s
words. “It's nice to see this house filled with people again."
****** Rae
held her hands to her head as she slowly and gingerly walked down the stairs.
The firelight flickered out across the marble in the foyer had set her path
towards the sitting room.
"Isabella, is there any aspirin in the house I feel like a truck hit me?" She
asked without looking expecting to see the maid. "Oh Thea!" The small
acknowledgement escaped her as her eyes focused on the actress snuggled up on
the couch.
"Rae?" Thea sat up a little turning uncomfortably to look at the tall woman.
The pain in her lover’s voice distressed her immediately. "How
are you doing?" She asked trying to quell the torrent in her head. "I'm
okay." The actress replied softly. "I
didn't mean to disturb you..." Rae lowered her hands to her sides. "I'll just
go find Isabella and let you rest." She took a step backwards. “Do you need
anything?" "Rae,
please…" She was glad her worlds stopped the technician’s retreat. "You aren't
disturbing me and here…” She took a small packet of tablets from the tray.
"Aspirin."
"Oh
thanks." Rae moved forward talking the small packet quickly and sitting on one
of the other couches. "I have no idea where this headache came from." She
studied her own mind trying to remember but there was only a big gapping hole
staring back at her. "Okay, why can't I remember anything since yesterday?"
She asked closing her eyes confused. "You
don't remember last night?" Thea asked gently looking at her beloved.
"Last night?" Rae opened one eye to look at her. "What
do you remember?" Thea asked a little more directly, very concerned. "Last
thing I remember Potterly came down..." She stopped as that reality cleared in
her head. "Oh God, are you all right? Christ, you didn't go did you?" She
snapped back to angry in a flash, though it was tempered by a massive concern
for the actress. "Rae,
it's okay." Thea tried to soothe her. "No,
Thea it's not." She shook her head as adamantly as she could. "I'm going to
teach that son of a bitch a lesson." "Rae,
love, he's half way around the world by now." The actress made another attempt
to calm her.
"What?" The wind was pulled from Rae’s sails immediately. "Christ, how did I
lose twelve hours?" She looked to Thea for answers. "You
don't know?" Thea returned the confused look.
"No!" Rae’s response was sharp. "But
I thought you and Potterly agreed..." She frowned.
"What?" Rae leaned forward on her knees. "Agreed on what? The last thing I
agreed too was waiting in the study while Cleo talked to him and then I was
going to go have a word with the bastard.” "Rae,
you were sedated." She spoke the words slowly.
"Whoa!" The technician put her hands up in protest as she stood up. "I was
what?" "Cleo
said it was Potterly's suggestion that you were to be sedated." Thea’s voice was
slow and unsteady. "With
a fucking truck?" She pulled at the pain in her forehead pacing back and forth
before the fire.
"I
have no idea what with." Thea watched her pace. "Something major. It took you
out like a light." "Okay
let me get this straight.” Rae turned taking a deep breath. “Everyone decided I
should be taken out so that what shouldn't have went on could go on?" "No,
not everyone. There was only you, Cleo and the doctor around. Don't you
remember?" Thea’s frowned deepened. "No,
Thea! I do not remember consenting to being put down!" She barked angrily
turning to look at the fire. “By
the time I managed to get downstairs you and Cleo were arguing in the hall. You
went out there. I was scared you'd hurt yourself on the marble. I thought you
knew." The weak actress kept talking desperate to make Rae understand the
sedative hadn’t been her idea.
"In
the hall?" The technician’s mind caught up. "If I'd agree to be sedated why
would I go down in the hall?" Thea's own head began to spin as she realised how
odd the story sounded. “Then there is the small fact that sedatives give me the
biggest fucking headache in the world, so why would I agree to taking them?" "I'm
sorry." Thea spoke almost silently as she looked past Rae to the dancing flames. "Why
Thea?" She questioned losing her anger. "If you didn't know, you have nothing
to be sorry for." She walked back and slumped down in her former place on the
couch. "I
should have questioned Cleo more." Thea berated herself gently. "You
had enough on your mind." She shook it off. "I
had nothing on my mind that matters as much as you do." The actress made the sad
honest comment in a strong voice. "Yes,
you did Thea." Rae turned away her voice even. "No,
I didn't!" She stressed again. "You
had to protect him." The technician shook her head turning back. "Why I don't
know but apparently you had too." "I
wasn't protecting him, I was protecting everything else." Thea kept her eyes on
the flames. "Who?
Thea, everyone was safe here?” She asked the question that had been eating at
her. "Do
you believe that?" She looked at Rae as she asked.
"Yes.” The technician nodded. "And if I thought your parents were in danger I'd
send people over for their security." "Oh
please Rae!" She snapped angrily. "This isn't about security that you can buy,
or pay for or higher someone to achieve." "Then
what is it?" Rae snapped back instantly. "It's
about mental security. It's about Tori being able to wake up this morning
knowing that she can go out with Cleo. Go shopping have fun, be twenty-three
without the thought that he is still here. It's about me knowing you can't do
anything dumb and get yourself hurt or locked up." She listed out the facts that
Rae seemed to be missing.
"Yeah
well maybe I think some things are worth getting locked up over." The tall woman
stood again. "Mainly when someone crosses the line he did. That he’s walking
around thinking he's done nothing wrong and will never pay for it is not part of
my idea of mental security." "So
he crossed the line Rae, so what?" The actress threw the blanket covering her
body back. "So what?" Rae looked at the actress astonished. "Christ, Thea!" She sunk back down onto the couch. "You
think that was the first time?" She snapped her eyes blazing and her heart
pumping. "You think that this was a one off because he'd been missing me?" "He
should have been killed every time." The technician’s voice seethed back. "Rae,
I am his wife. He has rights." Thea spoke the sad words harshly. "No,
don't give me that tired line." She looked up. “Not from you. You're better
than that."
"That's how it works." Thea found her anger gone. "A
ring does not give anyone that right. Marriage doesn't work like that Thea."
She shook her head. "And
how does it work? Love? Is that what turns matrimonial wheels?” A slight
bitterness crept into the actress’ voice.
"Yes!" Rae snapped back. "He
doesn't love me any more than I love him." Thea replied shaking her head. "That
never had anything to do with it." "Then
why on God's earth are you married?" The technician asked lost suddenly. "I
was a pretty, useful rich girl. I look good and that’ll help to bring in
business." She stated the reality of her arrangement.
"What?" Rae's jaw dropped. "I
was a necessary tool." Thea’s voice was more lost than angry.
"You’re his wife Thea, you’re not a tool." Her jaw dropped further.
"Rae." She looked at the raven-haired woman. "I was more like a badly paid
whore." She didn’t break their gaze as she spoke. Rae
swore she'd been slapped across the face though she didn't know whose hand it
was as the air drained out of her slowly.
"But..." The technician stammered. "Why?" She tried to find one thought to hang
onto.
Thea
watched Rae's face and regretted her words immediately. It was even more
obvious now that Cleo was right. Rae had no concept of the lifestyle she was
being described. This was not part of the technician’s black or white world.
"Why?" She breathed softly needing Rae to ask more clearly. "Why
didn't anyone stop this?" Rae asked finally in a tiny voice. "They had to see."
"See?" Thea remarked softly. " Rae…" She wasn't sure how to say this. "My father
chose this for me." "I
mean my father would have killed any guy who dared slap me let alone..." The
technician’s voice trailed off as Thea's words registered in her ears. "He
chose this?" She looked up the actress, her rage bright. Her words shook from
the force of it and her breathing was thick and deliberate. "I
was little use to him as a girl." Thea explained. "For
money?" Rae asked trying to settle this in her mind. "The
only assets I had were that I looked good and knew how to behave." The actress
felt herself grow weaker as she watched Rae’s anger building. "God, what good could you be?" She stood quickly and circled the couch. "Hell a world class talented actress was nothing of use. Son of a bitch!" She slammed her hand into the wall. "That
didn't carry on the family estate or keep us in the high society." Thea tried to
explain.
"Women can carry estates, look at Angelina." Rae motioned around, the blood
seeping off her knuckles. "And pardon me but my opinion of such a high society
is not much at the moment." She growled. "As it sits by excepting the rape and
torture of its women and how a father can sit by and watch that done to his
daughter, arrange it to be done no less." She shook her head. "I will never
understand, as it is not comprehensible!" Rae
grew silent the next moment as she backed up against the wall, sliding down it
to sit on the floor. Her eyes unfocused and wild as her mind raced and turned. 'He
has to die!' The thought was more solid than ever. 'After all, he'd...' The
thought of it pushed a tear down her cheek. 'And it wasn't the first time… OH
GOD NOT THE FIRST TIME!’ The pained scream sliced into her. ‘Nobody gets away
with hurting my angel. Not now, not then, not ever!’
"Rae?" Thea got off the couch and moved towards her lover slowly. "Love?" She
reached out a hand towards Rae's arm. The dissociated state that had taken over
the technician made her insides go cold. 'I'll
get the Lear.' The plans rambled in the technician’s head. 'I'll find out
where he is in England that shouldn't be too hard since Cleo's got a man on him.
He's going to feel pain, oh yeah lots of pain.' The thoughts rambled in her
head. 'Maybe I'll get him picked up first and taken somewhere secluded. Real
pain takes time!'
"Angel?" Thea tried to keep the pain out of her voice as she squatted down. "I'm
sorry." Rae broke from her thoughts, looking at the actress to whimper the
regret. "I should have..."
"Should have?" She asked her hand completing the journey to rest on Rae's arm.
"He'll pay for it all Thea, every moment. I swear he'll know he was wrong." Her
usually strong voice came again broken and small. "And
what will that do to you?" Thea breathed a tear slipping from her swollen eye. "That
doesn't matter." Rae breathed back. "It
matters to me." The actress stated honestly. "He
has to pay for what he's done." Rae fell silent. "Why didn't you tell me?" She
asked blankly when she found her voice. "How
could I?" Thea voice was soft. "You
knew I could stop him, could make him go away." Rae tried to figure out where
she stood. How could she believe she mattered if she couldn't figure out why
the actress had kept her in the dark? "Do you remember?" Thea had to sit back the pain in her stomach too much to stay in the squatting position.
"Remember?" The technician asked confused. "At
the restaurant. You asked if there was anyone who would mind that we were there.
Anyone who would care, who would be jealous?" "Yes,
you said no." Rae spoke in a hurt whisper. "And
I told you the truth." Thea was adamant. "Edward doesn't care what I do as long
as when I am with him he can screw me as much as he wants." She couldn't make
the facts sound nice. Rae's head snapped down again at the answer. "Rae." She
looked at her lover. "For the first time, ever in my life, when I was with you I
felt loved." Many more tears spilled down her face. "I felt important and I
thought maybe, just maybe I had a chance." "A
chance?" Rae asked hanging on every word trying as she tried to figure this
out. None of it went with the lines in her head, the set pattern of the world. "A
chance to be free, a chance to be happy and a chance to be loved. I was
seventeen when I was engaged to Edward. I was just a child. A child with dreams
of what tomorrow would be. Dreams that turned into the nightmare of his
reality.” Her voice lost a bit of its strength. “The nights of hell, the hours
in private clinics. A puppet on the strings of a life I never even chose." Rae
listened silently as each new word tore her up even more. "So I just studied
hard and with all of the spirit in me that would fight against my life I did
fight. Determined I would get away and I did Rae." She looked at Rae needing to
see the blue eyes that stared back at her. "Have you got any idea how our first
night together felt?" "It
was wonderful." Rae answered softly. "It
was more than that, knowing that he couldn't get me, knowing I was completely
safe. That you were there, that you loved me and that you would keep me safe.” "But
Thea…" The flaw came to Rae bright again. "If you didn't tell me the danger how
was I supposed to keep you safe?"
"Love, wrong kind of safe again." Thea tried to clarify. "Safe up here." She
patted the side of her head gently. "But
I couldn't keep you any safer." She tried to dampen the loathing in her voice as
it was against herself and she didn't want the actress to misunderstand. "He
waltzed in and I let him do this. While he was..." She swallowed hard. "All I
was worried about was myself and…" The reality of the time frames that night hit
her hard. "No
love, please don't go there." Thea reached back out to rest her hand on the
technician’s arms. "No
please." She moved away from the hand. "I have to think." Thea
pulled back her hand. She sat back and watched Rae move away. "I
need to think." Rae paced toward the door and then backed into the room a bit.
"I..." Thea just watched her drained and scared. "I'm sorry." The tall woman
stammered pacing closer and closer to the doorway and the foyer. "I just don't
understand. How could he? How could I?" She paused and rubbed her forehead. "And
this, this different safe. I have to think."
The
final words came harshly as she finally moved out of the room. Thea was about to
push herself up to follow her, when she stopped and just watched the Raven go.
She was helpless in the face of such adversity.
****** Rae
walked through to the back of the house out the rear door and barefoot onto the
stone slabs of the garden path. She kept walking, cursing to herself as she
went.
"Christ what is going on here?" She walked into the tree line at the back of the
yard knowing now she was far enough from the house for her words and actions to
be hidden. "What
kind of a fucked up country is England?" She barked the words at the trees as
she flicked her hand and send trails of clotting blood across the underbrush.
"Don't be so naive Cassie." It was Lillian's voice that came out of nowhere in
her head and made her stop. "So it takes a new form, but the abuse and
subjection of women is ingrained in all societies." The woman's soft voice of
reason came to her again, a conversation from long before welling up in her
mind. "God
I wish you were here Lillian." She admitted weakly as she sunk down against a
tree, the cold frost on the ground soaking into the pj's she still wore. "How
do I make sense of this? Okay she didn't tell me, that hurt’s more than
anything. I don't care about this different
safe." She shook her head as the first tear fell. "I could have kept her from
this at least." She wiped at her face with her uninjured hand.
"Stupid, Rae stupid." Her mind went again to that night, losing herself in Cleo,
for what? “Cause you didn't want to admit it'd gone to hell." She shook her
head. "Well looks like you fucked it right good O'Keefe." She barked at
herself. "Hey
Thea, by the way." She mocked herself. "While you were being raped and having
the crap beat out of you I'd decided I'd get back at you and I went and fucked
Cleo for a few hours. Just perfect." She pulled her knees up to her chest and
started sobbing when there were no more words. She didn't know what to think or
what to feel or even if she was capable of either.
****** Rae
stepped back into the house at full steam. That was it, this all had to be
settled and it had to be settled now, one way or the other. She couldn't go on
like this, she felt like she was loosing her mind. She entered the living room
still at full gate, standing full in the doorway when she saw the actress on the
couch. "Okay
that's it we need to talk please." She figured why start with polite
introduction’s though her steam softened as she saw the small battered woman.
"Okay." Thea turned uncomfortably. "Let's talk." She added.
"Okay." Rae moved in closer, still in constant motion. "So I'm the naive sorta
sheltered type apparently." She snatched the napkin off the tea tray and wrapped
it around her hand. "I
didn't say that." Thea corrected watching Rae carefully. "No,
no." Rae shook her head. "It's not a said it's a fact, as I have no concept at
all of how things have worked. You see the only relative I have ever had that
hit his wife didn't do so cause he thought she was property but because he drank
too much and he was an asshole. Then again my mother, I'm told, almost killed
him so you can see my standing ground." She turned to make sure she was making
some sense. "So this is not a given concept to me... Rae meet Thea's husband.
Now he's not a real husband, just some bastard she had to marry and everyone
allows him to abuse her like a slave." She refrained from using Thea's choice of
words. "But
as I said Rae, he was not my husband in the sense you mean and know." The
actress repeated.
"Okay
so we agree on that point." Rae nodded still moving in long paces around the
room.
"I
can understand that this concept is hard.” She offered trying to show the
technician that she understood how alien the idea was for the technician.
"Good, cause Thea this is all coming out of left field at me." Rae stopped and
turned to look at her.
"Oh
come on, I am sure even in Canada people do things to climb ladders.” Thea’s
voice was vaguely condescending. She could understand Rae having a hard time
with the concept but surely the technician didn’t have her head buried in the
sand completely. "Well
there's our other problem then." Rae went back to her pacing. "I am not a ladder
climber. I don't come from ladder climbers. I come from men and women who came
home with their hands dirty every night. You didn't sell your wife for business
and if you happened to entertain the boss to dinner. That's all it fucking
was... food!" Her voice boomed off the walls of the living room.
"Guess I should have been born here." Thea laughed trying humour. "Well
it's a damn good thing I wasn't borne there." Rae didn't find this funny. "Okay
Thea..." She tried to find her main point wherever it had gone. "I don't get
this different safe thing... safe is safe in my books, but for the sake of
argument... let's say different safes exist." Thea nodded, deciding it was
best to stay quiet for a second and let the tall woman talk. “Didn't you think
that if you explained him to me I would have understood that you hated him,
didn't want to be with him? I'm naive Thea, but I'm not brain dead. “ "Why
should I give him air time? Why should I let him encroach on the only good thing
I had?" Thea asked pained.
“Because Thea at some point he would have had it." She stopped in a wide stance
looking down at the smaller woman on the couch. "He would have become an issue.
At some point he would have had to been dealt with, you and I building a life...
at some point your bastard so called husband would have been an issue." "And
I would have told you but when he couldn't hurt us." Thea tried to defend
herself. "I could have divorced him quickly and quietly."
"Thea, up until that night he couldn't have hurt us." Rae shook her head, her
voice a little louder that she wanted. "He
could always hurt us." The actress snapped back.
"How?" Rae demanded. "Just
like he has done." Thea growled at her. "No
Thea, he didn't do this. You did this part of it by not telling me." "Even
if I had told you about him from day one." She said back angrily. "He could
have hurt us." "Okay
maybe not day one." Rae began walking again. "But as I'm spilling out all my
long lost dark secrets it never struck you to think hey I can tell this now or
maybe no." "Me
telling you, not telling you doesn't change his power." Thea stressed the real
point.
"Hey
maybe with the two of us fighting him he wont have any more power. Maybe if we
built our life together on honesty then he can't hurt us ever. The only power he
has it what you give him Thea." Rae barked angrily. "He
has money and he has power." She snapped back at the same intensity. "Fuck
Thea, I am a tech monkey but I thought you saw I am not just that. I have money
and power." Rae threw her hands up in defeat.
"I
don't care what you have, what you don't have. I almost wanted you to be a poor
hard up techie. I didn't care what you were. He has my parents. He has my
families’ status. He has me." Thea shouted back loudly.
"That's it isn't it, he has you." Rae screamed back. "That's why I couldn't do a
damn thing." "You
did everything." Thea dropped her voice from its raised pitch.
"Apparently not." Rae’s hands dropped down to her sides. "For
Gods sake Rae, stop it!" Thea snapped sharply at the display. "Stop
what?" Rae asked looking back at her. "Stop
punishing yourself, me, us. Stop it.” Her voice was steely. “Yes, I kept it
from you. Yes, you might think I lied. Yes, I am a glorified whore." "No,
don't ever say that." Rae’s voice came in a thick confident tone. "Why
not? I am possibly the weakest person on this tiresome world." Thea leaned back
into the couch feeling small and defeated.
"Because it's not true." Rae shook her head. "It's
how I feel, why shouldn't I say it." Thea's voice was angry. "Did
you say no Thea?" Rae asked calmly. "Of
course I said no. I always say no. I fight. I kick. I scream but what difference
does that make?" She asked in a clipped tone. Talking about none of this made
any difference.
"You
saying no made all the difference. You are not a glorified whore." Rae moved
away and sat on the far couch. "Do
you know the difference it makes?" The actress’ anger reached a raw state and
she glared at the technician with hard eyes.
"What? I'm sure our differences are not the same. I am convinced that the
definition is clear. In my world no makes you a rape victim and not a whore."
Rae turned back into the glare.
"Shall I tell you the difference no makes to me? To Edward?" Thea growled
leaning forward on the couch. "What
Thea? Enlighten me to the British high society definition." She barked back, not
angry but meeting the harsh words cast at her. "This
has nothing to do with Britain. It has nothing to do with social class. This
had nothing to do with any of that. This has to do with me." The actress got up
from the couch and walked closer to Rae. "From the time I married him onwards."
She began as she walked. "Edward had a clear idea of what rights being my
husband gave him and I started by fighting, arguing and defying. That got me
carted off to clinic after clinic being patched up here and there." She stopped
in front of the technician. "And so I stopped saying no. I stopped fighting and
defying and arguing. You want to know what difference saying no makes?" She
pulled her shirt loose and lifted it slightly, revealing her bruised torso and
wrists. “This is the difference." She snarled, her voice not sad just bitter
and angry. "And
that's why I'm going to fucking kill him!" Rae barked back the nasty truthful
response. "Cause you said no and he should have stopped, cause he thought he
had rights no man has. I'm going to kill him for the first time and every time
since!" "Oh
yeah that makes such sense. For fucksake Rae! Wake up!" Thea shouted at her.
"In
my mind it does. He started this Thea he started the violence. I'm just going
to end it cause that's what we do where I come from." "For
fucksake Rae, wake up!” She repeated the angry words again as she tucked in her
shirt and turned away. “Yeah go on, go and kill him. Slit his throat. Pay him
back. Get yourself locked up for the rest of your life. Let him have the
greatest victory he could ever have."
"He'll be dead Thea how has he won?" Rae asked in a harsh tone.
"Because he gets you.” The actress’ voice came softer. “He takes you away from
me just like I feared he would, just like I tried to stop him doing."
"Thea, look at the marks yourself." Rae stood up to follow her.
"Why?" She turned back. "All
of that.” The technician pointed with an unsteady hand. “All that's he's done
that only you really know about and you’re worried about me?" "I
LOVE YOU!" Thea shouted suddenly. "If I had to let him do this to me every day
for the rest of my life, but I had you, I would agree and I wouldn't even think
about it." "No!
No Thea." Rae backed up toward the fireplace, the small shreds of stability she
had left tore apart. "I'm not worth that. I'm not worth that night." "You
are to me. I said no that night because I love you.” Thea didn’t follow the
technician’s retreat. "Oh
Christ Thea, not for me, say no for you not me." Rae shook her head against the
terror in her body. "I've done horrible things." "Rae,
I know all about what you have done what you were." The actress brushed off all
of the dark haired woman’s past away in an instant. "No
Thea, I have done things since then. That night when I left the party…" Her
voice came in a panic. "The
past doesn't matter…" Thea stopped as she heard the present tense being used in
the Raven’s words.
"I
was so fucking angry." Rae punched her hand into the fireplace and Thea’s knees
weakened a little. "All I knew was that he was your husband." The actress put
her hand back and eased herself back into the couch. "Which meant jokes on you
Rae." Thea
wanted to set the record straight on this point again but decided Rae need to
talk now. "I
got in the jeep and I drove and when I couldn't see the road I started to walk
and do you know where I ended up? Do you have any idea?" Her voice was low and
pained..
"Where?" Thea whispered the question knowing all the anger now was directed at
the technician and not her.
"Fucking Shorbourne park with some two bit dealer offering me the cure to all my
blues." Rae laughed at herself. "But I didn't do it, I got the hell out of
there..." Her voice tapered off. "But I did something worse." Thea let the
breath she had held go as Rae moved down to sit on the large lower ledge of the
fireplace resting her head in her hands. "I came here."
"Here?" She asked coming to stand a little way away from Rae. "I
ran to Cleo." Rae was barely able to say the words. "To
get drugs?" Thea asked her mind filled with worry and horror.
"No." Rae shook her head and looked down. "Worse."
"What then?" Thea asked her mind reeling.
"Her
and I…" She couldn't say it. Thea's cartwheeling mind stopped resting on the
one thought. "I wanted to prove it wasn't me... I could love without it being
made up, without it being torn apart. But it wasn't the same, it wasn't even
close, it was just..." She struggled with the word. "Sex." "Oh
baby!" Thea sunk to her knees and grabbed Rae into a tight embrace. "Thank God."
She felt hot tears sting her swollen eyes but didn’t care as she cried. These
were happy tears and she’d endure any pain to be crying them now.
"Huh?" The hug surprised the technician. Thea was supposed to be screaming
again. "Thea, did you hear me?" She questioned with more strength. "I ran
into bed with Cleo." "If
you had injected yourself or anything like that I couldn't have ever forgiven
myself." Thea wept softly and held her even tighter.
"No,
I did worse." Rae tried to make her see. "Sex
isn't worse love." Thea shook her head, pulling back to look the Raven in the
eye.
"But?" Rae tried to get her head around this, her heart distracted by the
woman's tears that apparently were out of relief for the first time but still
bothered her. Thea
suddenly realised Rae might be feeling overwhelmed and uncomfortable with the
hug and she forced herself to let go though she didn't want to. She rocked back
on the balls of her feet to put some distance between them. "But
look what I did do?" Rae missed the feel of the arms around her but was unable
to ask them to remain cause too much was too raw. "What
do you think you did?" Thea asked brushing tears off her cheeks. "I
betrayed you." Rae spoke quietly as she looked down at the ground again unable
to keep the actress’ eyes. "No,
you didn't." Thea reached out a slightly trembling hand to raise Rae's chin. Rae
let the small hand lead her gaze up easily. The actress studied Rae for a long
moment in the silence. "I love you." She whispered, moving a little closer. "I
love you too angel." Rae whispered back almost silently. "Hold
me?" Thea asked her voice tiny. "Oh
God angel, that's what I've wanted to do from the first second." Rae softly
wrapped her arms around the small woman. They clung to each other, and the hot
tears soaking through Rae’s top made her hold on even tighter. "I am
so sorry I hurt you." Thea sobbed. "I'm
the one who’s sorry angel." Rae tried to talk through her tears. "I though I’d
lost you forever." She whispered fearfully, holding as tightly as she thought
the battered woman’s body could bear. "Rae,
even if you had walked away from me and never spoken or seen me again, you still
wouldn't have lost me." She whispered back. "I
could never do that Thea. I love you too much." "I
love you and not one word about forever, and my dream of us was a lie." She
stated the words confidently needing them to be believed. "I
hoped it wasn't. I just lost focus for awhile" Rae placed kisses into
strawberry blonde locks. "Not for me either." Thea pulled back a little to see
the blue that she loved. “You make me feel complete." "You
make me feel…" Thea tried to explain as they held each other’s stare.
"Seventeen again." She hoped Rae would understand. "You
are angel." Rae smiled softly at her. "Why
is ‘I love you’ never enough at moments like this?" She smiled back.
"Cause so many people throw it around like it's nothing." Rae moved her hand
long enough to brush a stray hair off the bruise on the actress’ cheek. "And
then at these moments you know just what it really is and it's not to be thrown
around." Thea smiled despite the stitches and bruising that marked her beautiful face. Suddenly she was very aware that they didn't hurt quite as much. "Oh
be careful angel." Rae held her hand in Thea's hair. "Our first priority is
getting you all better again. Though I have to admit." She smiled. "I'm so
desperate to kiss you right now." "Kiss
me then." Thea encouraged her brightly. "But
angel your lip?" Rae asked hesitantly, the last thing she wanted to do was hurt
her. "I might hurt you." She spoke softly to clarify that was her reason. "All
things get better quicker when they are kissed ask any mother." Thea replied
smiling as she moved a bit closer. "That
is true isn't it?" She grinned, moving slowly and with great care closer. Thea
nodded as she felt Rae press their lips gently together. For the first time in
what seemed like an eternity, Thea's nightmare subsided as she felt the touch of
her lover’s lips and she was able to kiss her back. Rae
gently pulled her a bit closer revelling in the touch that she'd feared she'd
never have again. Thea moved her body closer drawn into the feel of the warmth
and softness of the embrace she loved. "I
missed you." Rae moved back just slightly and whispered the words out onto the
actress’ lips. "Now this is so much better!" Cleo stood in the door. Still in her sunglasses, holding Mac's leash in one hand and a single bag in the other. "I thought you two were going to ruin the best thing ever." She smiled brightly, pushing the shades back up onto her head. Thea
blinked and pulled away from Rae ever so slightly, startled by the sudden
interruption. “Rae
watch your hands, our little star needs to heal!" The blonde called playfully as
she moved further into the room. "My
hands are fine." Rae laughed and looked back to see Thea nod her confirmation. "I
figured one of us had to remember poor Marc Anthony." Cleo chuckled and moved
over to drop on the couch. It was at that moment that Tori bounded in, an
entourage of staff carrying enough bags to fill a shop followed behind her.
"Look, look!" Tori stopped as she saw Thea and Rae. She glanced at Cleo and then
back to the couple by the fireplace. "Did we come in at a bad moment?" "Oh
no darling." Cleo motioned her over. "Come sit, we came at a perfect time." The
young brown haired woman followed her instruction and came to promptly to sit on
the couch next to Cleo. “You’re sister and my Blackbird finally got their heads
together." She smiled happily when the young woman moved quickly to fill her
call. |